Keys Disease

Jersey Floor

2011-05-16T14:19:00.002-04:00

Men who stare at goats (with their pants down)

2011-05-05T12:55:00.005-04:00

A slow day at the capitol...

Floridians are gonna have to start pulling up their pants and stop having sex with animals soon. It's up to Governor Rick Scott to sign off on two bills passed in the Florida Senate and House Wednesday which target droopy drawers and bestiality.

The bestiality bill (SB 344) bans sexual activity between humans and animals and has been championed for years by Sen. Nan Rich, from Sunrise.

Rich took up the anti-bestiality fight after a number of cases involving sexual activity with animals in recent years, including a Panhandle man who was suspected of accidentally asphyxiating a family goat during a sex act and the abuse of a horse in the Keys.

The bill would make such acts a first-degree misdemeanor.

Also passed by the House and Senate Wednesday is the so-called "droopy drawers bill" (SB 228), will will force kids to hike up their pants while at school.

Students caught showing their underwear or butt crack could face suspensions and other punishments.

2011-04-18T19:31:00.003-04:00

Ah yes, now we can see the science of how to write a song

Flo-Ri-Da: Low

The Cure: Friday I'm in Love

Reflections of a good day on the water

2011-03-31T19:52:00.007-04:00

Just another fine day paddling the waters off Key West

Baby trashes bar

2011-02-25T08:57:00.004-05:00

Food fighting in FL

2011-02-23T11:08:00.004-05:00

Report from MSNBC:

Cops say Mom attacked her son with a hammer - over a sandwich

What is it about food that incites violence in South Florida?

A day after a woman over on the Sunshine State's west coast attacked her roommate over a box of Girl Scout cookies, a woman down in the Keys was arrested for attacking her son during an argument over a sandwich.

The Monroe County Sheriff's Office says 60-year-old Urania Lot was arrested in Stock Island Monday morning after she punched, bit and hammered her 18-year-old son for eating his sandwich in the living room.

Lot and her granddaughter both told police that the man was rude and belligerent and refused to eat his snack in the dining room, despite Lot's plea.

Police said Lot threatened to break his television and kick him out of the house, then hit him with the hammer on his arm, bit him on the wrist then started punching him in the head.

Lot was arrested for aggravated battery.

Digital enhancement

2011-02-16T09:39:00.007-05:00

Girl has 12 fingers...and 14 toes. Really.

Mom says "she doesn't drop things much". Imagine that??

Up Geiger creek with a paddle

2011-02-15T15:14:00.007-05:00

For a brief video from a recent Saturday paddling Geiger Creek, go here. Warning: I'm no pro videographer plus it's hard to paddle while holding a small camera, so you might get seasick...or jealous...or bored...

Dogs are (funny) people too

2011-02-15T15:03:00.008-05:00

For more fun with dogs, go here

Timing is everything

2011-02-14T11:52:00.010-05:00

Ah the joys of taking a picture at the perfect moment

Click here and here for many more

history in pix

2010-08-07T18:38:00.003-04:00

San Fran after the 1906 earthquake. For more great historical pix like this one go here and enjoy

the view from space

2010-08-07T18:14:00.012-04:00

Amazing view of the Bahamas from space, revealing the water clarity and dramatic depth contrasts. For many more great pix like this one go here and enjoy the view!

Northern FL paddling

2010-06-17T20:04:00.008-04:00

The Silver River, near Ocala:

The Sante Fe River, near High Springs:

The Withlacoochee River, near Dunnellon:

Disney World

2010-02-03T19:10:00.007-05:00

A short drive away (OK a 7 hour trudge up the turnpike) is a quaint little empire known as Disney World. I went there a few years ago with my ex, but since we didn't have kids we spent our time at Pleasure Island. This past weekend I went back, to experience the mayhem through the eyes of my nephews.

When I met my bro and his family at their hotel that first evening, I received my first lesson in Disneyomics. They were staying at a VERY nice resort, in a huge (twice the size of my house) 2 bedroom suite with a full kitchen and 2 full bathrooms and laundry etc etc. Just a few miles away, inside the perimeter of the Disney compound, this suite would have cost over $500 a nite. Here, among the vast expanse of resort/timeshare/condo campuses, the cost of the suite was barely 20% of that. This told me more about Disney than it did about the resort. This is business.

As soon as I walk in I'm attacked (literally) by my nephews. Besides pummeling me (what is it about being an uncle?), they enthusiastically showed me the Disney souvenirs they'd accumulated already: Pins, t-shirts, hats, and yes Mickey ears. I heard all about the fun they'd had, and about the fun we were going to have tomorrow. I started feeling like a kid myself. This is gonna be fun!

Morning came, and with it the realization that I was headed to kid mecca. I could see the excitement in the boys' eyes, and I started to feel the rush too. Let's go! We piled into two cars and made the 10 minute drive. After entering the gate we drove another 10 minutes as we wandered through the maze of parking until finally we were directed to our parking spot. Despite the chilly temps, the boys exploded out of the car like...like...well:

I really wish I had more time to spend there than I did (my 7 hour return trip was looming), but we definitely made the best of my half-day in the park. I may have only gone on a few of the rides, but to be able to spend those hours as a 6 year old was all I had hoped it would be. They had 3 or 4 days to explore all that Disney had to offer, and despite their enthusiasm and efforts I sincerely doubt they saw/did it all. That place is H U G E.

My final take on Disney? It serves a purpose, and does it to perfection. It's that place that EVERY kid should be fortunate enough to visit at least once, and during the course of that visit his parents are gonna fly/drive/park/eat/ride/stay (i.e. $$$$). Fun fact: After every ride, the only exit route passes directly through a souvenir shop. Somebody thought this through...

I've been to football games and spent $100 on a ticket and $7 on a beer etc, and despite bitching about it I'll keep getting back in line. Disney is the same way - everyone goes there knowing they're gonna get gouged, but the park delivers the goods. In the end it's money well spent...said the guy that never touched his wallet.

Many thanks to my bro and sis-in-law for treating me like the kid I wanted to be, and to my nephews for showing me why it all works.

Costa Rica

2010-02-02T17:19:00.005-05:00

OK it only took me 2 months but I'm finally posting some pix from my trip to Costa Rica. I stayed at a big resort on the west coast near Puntarenas, but next time I intend to stay up in the mountains at a smaller place. The highlight was the trip into the mountains for a zip line tour, and a trip into the Monteverde Cloud Forest Reserve.

Many more pix can be found on my pix page if interested.

More fun with words

2010-01-25T11:52:00.003-05:00

Style Invitational Week 833: We asked you to take a real word, name or multi-word term -- this time beginning with M, N, O or P -- and add or subtract one letter, substitute one letter or transpose two adjacent letters, and describe the result:

1. Mulatte: Rejected name for Starbucks' new half-coffee/half-milk drink. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
2. Sparadigm: A model panhandler. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
3. Cold Faithful: Spouse who won't sleep with you anymore, but at least isn't sleeping with anyone else, either. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)
4. Parismonious: Describing the portions of food served at a French restaurant. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
5. Pathletic: Hopelessly uncoordinated. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
6. Bordures : A store that specializes in bathroom reading material. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
7. Nowscaster: A Twitterer. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
8. Morning gory: The half-chewed mouse the cat thoughtfully leaves on your side of the bed. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)
9. Phonym: e.g., "Tom" from the Bangalore help desk. (Kevin Dopart)
10. Pollbearer: The guy who carries the Cook County cemetery ballots. (Peter Metrinko, Gainesville)
11. Methuselay: Romance at the old folks' home. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
12. Pal de mer: A barf bag. (Les Greenblatt, Ann Arbor, Mich.)
13. Adagascar: New name for the Hummer. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)
14. Oediplus: Theban king who inadvertently slept with his mother and his sister. (Brendan Beary, Great Miills)
15. Costentatious: "Forgetting" to remove the price tag from an expensive objet d'art. (Anne Paris, Arlington)
16. Moonucleosis: The butt-kissing disease. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
17. Pilatitude: Annoying encouragement from the fitness instructor: "Feel the power!" "You know you can do it!" (Pam Sweeney)
18. Public hair: The result of a Speedo malfunction. (Dean Evangelista, Rockville)
19. Masochistick: A golf club. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)
20. Mobius Strep: A virus that keeps going around. (Elise Jacobs, Silver Spring)
21. Postnaval drip: A retired admiral who bores you with war stories. (Chris Doyle)
22. Porximity: The personal space of the fat guy in the adjacent seat. (Craig Dykstra)
23. Liver Twist: What they call rotgut in London. You probably won't ask for more. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
24. Zornography: Game film of the Redskins getting it every which way. (Scott Campisi, Wake Village, Tex.)
25. Okrap: What most people say when first biting into okra. (Tom Witte)
26. Mistoke: Lighting up a fat one at a stoplight next to an unmarked police car. (Kat Nove, Kerrville, Tex.)
27. Pimplex: A high school campus. (Kevin Dopart)
28. NIMBY-pamby: Not In My Back Yard (if that's okay with you). (Lawrence McGuire)
29. Peripathetic: Going nowhere. (Tom Witte)
30. X-menarche: The initial blossoming of a superhero's powers. (Judy Blanchard)
31. Muscle cart: A six-horsepower Amish dragster. (Chris Doyle)
32. Purgeatory: The bathroom at the modeling agency. (Peter Metrinko)
33. Pillowcasas: The houses you used to make from the sofa cushions. (Craig Dykstra)
34. Magnum pus: A big zit. (Les Greenblatt)
35. Trize: The "participant" trophy given to Little League bench-sitters. (Brian Corts, Hockessin, Del.)
36. Nincompop: The father of any teen. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
37. Majoritsy: A 51 percent "mandate." (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
38. Midlift crisis: The sudden realization during your cosmetic surgery that even with all this, you'll never look 25 again. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
39. Oopspore: The egg that was fertilized when the condom broke. (Brendan Beary)
40. Unclear fusion: The Democratic Party. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
41. Octopush: To labor under a mass conception. (Beverley Sharp)
42. Smoron: A graham cracker cooked between two marshmallows. (Kevin Dopart)
43. Momniscience: The ability to know just who broke that vase. (Kallen Dun, Hockessin, Del.)

Fun with words

2010-01-22T21:40:00.005-05:00

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for 20 common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's stupid AND an as*hole

Another side of Fantasy Fest

2009-11-01T11:30:00.002-05:00

Just when you thought it was all fun and good times, someone had to go and spoil the fun.

The following report is from the Miami Herald, detailing an incident that occurred Friday nite during Fantasy Fest. I was out until 3 AM that nite and was in the area where this happened, but I saw nothing other than good times and friendly people (see the pix in the previous post). It just goes to show you that you never know - one minute it's all fun, but that can change in a hurry...

Man dies in street fight in Key West
BY CAMMY CLARK

A former Key West High School track and basketball star was stabbed to death during an early Saturday morning altercation in the heart of Key West's tourist section, according to the Key West Police Department.

Marques Butler, 23, was stabbed in the abdomen during an apparent fight between a group of locals from Key West and a group of men from out of town. Butler was taken to the Lower Keys Medical Center, where he underwent surgery and died soon after.

Key West detectives are investigation the case as a homicide. On Saturday, detectives questioned a 23-year-old man from Fort Lauderdale. As of Sunday morning, no arrests had been made in the case.

The altercation took place in the vicinity of Caroline and Duval streets during Fantasy Fest, Key West's annual 10-day debauchery that draws crowds of 50,000 or more annually. This was the first death to occur during the festival's 30-year history.

Fantasy Fest 2009

2009-10-31T16:47:00.016-04:00

Fantasy Fest is here

2009-10-31T12:58:00.003-04:00

From KWTN:

Fantasy Fest Is Here! Couple Arrested for Having Oral Sex in Middle of Street
CROWD GATHERS AND APPLAUDS PERFORMANCE. LOTS OF PHOTOS TAKEN TO RECORD EVENT FOR HISTORY
by Dennis Reeves Cooper

Let us paint a mental picture for you. It’s about 11 o’clock on Tuesday night of Fantasy Fest week. You are down in the middle of the action, on Greene Street, just steps from Duval. There’s music and noise all around you. You see a large crown gathered in the middle of the street. There’s a lot of shouting and applause and bright flashes of light as people in the crowd take pictures.

That’s the situation that Key West police officer Nicholas Revoredo found himself in last Tuesday night. He pushed his way into the crowd and, according to his police report, he saw a female “performing oral sex for a male while being watched and photographed by the crowd.”
Revoredo reported that he took both the male and the female into custody and hauled them off to jail. His report does not say, however, if he waited until the couple finished or if he interrupted them in the middle of the act.

The man arrested was identified as 44-year-old Paul Benjamin Mayes, a tourist from Williamsburg, Virginia. Officer Revoredo’s police report described Mayes as 6 feet, 3 inches tall, 170 pounds, with a mustache and goatee. And, oh yeah, he was wearing only a plaid loin cloth.
The woman was his wife, 42-year-old Susan Mayes. Revoredo described her as a blue-eyed blond, about 5 feet, 4 inches tall, 140 pounds. She was wearing plaid lingerie.

On the police report, there is a list of questions to aid the officer in describing a person being arrested or witnesses. One of the items on the list is “hand use.” In describing Susan Mayes, Officer Revoredo wrote “unknown” beside “hand use.” Maybe he didn’t stand there an watch long enough to see how she was using her hands.

The couple was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior. According to the police report, Paul Mayes kept telling Officer Revoredo that he was sorry and that he and his wife just got “caught up in the moment.”

Sunday best

2009-10-20T19:36:00.010-04:00

It's the greatest thing to happen to the NFL in ever, at least as far as watching it on TV. Better than the score/time ticker at the top of the screen. Better than the scrolling stat line at the bottom of the screen. Better than the yellow first-down line that is digitally inserted onto the field. Even better than cheerleader close-ups in HD.

I'm talking about the NFL Red Zone channel.

Thanks to the NFLRZ channel, instead of waiting for the action or (worse!) suffering through 3 hours of a Redskins/Chiefs snoozer, you're always watching something exciting. If a team is close to scoring, they take you there live and you watch that game. If another team in another game is also close, well then they split the screen for you and you watch that one as well. You do not miss a single TD all day. It's rapid-fire action, and no punting!

The best part? No commercials! The worst part? No commercials! It becomes a challenge to find 45 seconds to take a bathroom break, let alone 4-12 minutes (dang chili!). I'm gonna have to invest in a bathroom TV...

There is not a better way to spend $5 a month, never will be. Thank you NFL.

The Office wedding: Jim = Pam

2009-10-12T14:03:00.006-04:00

I am a huge fan of 'The Office'. I can't say that I was happy to see Jim and Pam get married though. I mean I see their relationship the same as Sam and Diane on Cheers, with a central part of the week-to-week storyline being "will they or won't they?" etc. Now that they got married, that mystery is gone and the show will surely lose something. Besides, why get married??

So here's a funny look at what happens to you when you get married. I won't take any photoshop credit, I just found it in the blogoshpere. Good stuff!

Sun vs moon, part 1: the sun

2009-10-05T20:28:00.002-04:00

This weekend delivered one of the most picture-perfect weather days that I've ever experienced. It started with a very colorful sunrise over the water, included a full day of paddling through the mangroves on flat calm water, and closed with a full moon rising as dramatically (and from the same spot) as the sun did 12 hours earlier. Keys living at its best.

Perfect reflections + flat water = which way is up?

As soon as this guy left, I finally set off in the canoe to enjoy this picture-perfect day.

Sun vs moon, part 2: the moon

2009-10-05T20:04:00.007-04:00

About 12 hours after the sun rose, up pops the full moon from the same location. The first pic was taken just moments after the sun had set; the second pic was taken about 30 minutes later, as the moon took full possession of the sky.

This is a zoomed-in version of the photo above. Look at how the blurriness and colors combine to make it look just like a Monet painting. I love this picture.

Sun vs moon? The verdict is in: We win.

Whatnot

2009-09-30T20:12:00.007-04:00

Yeah it's been forever since I've posted, so here are a few pix to enjoy while I figure out what I feel like writing about.

From my work, the calm before a storm:

From my house, waterspout during a storm:

Somewhere in between:

Drunken Homer

2009-07-28T19:51:00.001-04:00

July 4th

2009-07-05T10:20:00.009-04:00

Obviously I still have to work on my night photography skills, not to mention I was being assaulted by a trillion skeeters as I took these, but still you gotta like fireworks over the water.

Happy 4th of July to all!

YUM!

2009-06-17T17:28:00.010-04:00

Next Friday we're going to Braza Lena for dinner and I can't wait! Thank goodness our boss is picking up the tab because it is VERY expen$ive, but I plan to eat every dollar's worth - this picture shows just a portion of what my stomach is gonna contain. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Muzak

2009-06-17T16:37:00.006-04:00

On the right side of this page is a box/playlist titled 'Songs to Learn and Sing', a list of some of my favorite tunes past and present (from Project Playlist's available archives). Due to the formatting of this template it doesn't fit correctly, and I'm too lazy/ignorant to make it conform, so if you'd like to browse the list just click on the "Pop out" button (or here) and turn up the volume. Or just listen to your same old bleh music - it's your 6 hours to kill...

Just another day in the Keys

2009-06-17T16:27:00.004-04:00

Sunrise over Sugarloaf Key, from my back deck:

Same location, different day, different conditions:

Smile

2009-05-03T10:19:00.007-04:00

If this picture doesn't make you smile, nothing will

River of grass

2009-05-03T08:21:00.009-04:00

Where do you go for a vacation when you live in Key West? The mainland! I took the canoe and headed to the Everglades for a week of chasing gators and reds and snook, but thanks to some heavy winds I only managed to get in a couple of days of paddling. I still got in some fishing every day, whether from the canoe or the beach or the banks.

I love fishing on the surface. It increases the fun because you get to see the fish hit, and because the surface plug targets more aggressive fish you can count on some exciting (and very violent) strikes. It turns out that gators are also very interested in the wounded fish that the surface lure represents. This is not news to me, in fact I once cast a lure that a gator jumped and ate before the lure even hit the water. At the other end of that extreme is this guy - I cast to him expecting that same type of result, but instead the lure just landed right on his nose. And sat there. It was like a milk bone on a dog's nose.

After taking the photos, I kept twitching it until the gator had finally had enough and snapped his jaws shut on the lure. As bored as he initially was with this battle, he was now on a mission to pull me into the water. He won - no he didn't pull me in, but he snapped my rod in two. You'd think that $100 lesson would deter me, but rest assured that's not the last gator I'll do battle with. Fun is fun.

Obama inauguration gigapan

2009-03-13T07:26:00.002-04:00

The photo below is just a still image - for a version that allows you to zoom in on every individual face, click here and enjoy an interactive gigapan from inauguration day.
.

The Fog / Bahia Honda

2009-02-19T21:22:00.012-05:00

Friday the 13th. We come out after seeing the new Jason movie, and find that a thick fog has dropped down onto the Lower Keys. Perfect timing! I went back to the CG base and took several pix, most of which were bleh but a few seemed to capture the mood. The water was calm, there was barely a breeze - all you could hear was the gentle splashing sound of tarpon rolling just off the pier, using the CG's spotlights to find their dinner. I traded my camera for my fishing pole, but of course the tarpon ignored my efforts.

Perhaps it was because I was distracted by everything going on, and constantly looking over my shoulder for Jason.

The next morning I grabbed my canoe and headed for Bahia Honda. If you click on the pic of the beach, at first it looks normal; if you zoom/look closer, as you follow the beach you'll see the fog becoming thicker over the island. Oh and you'll also notice people swimming. Gotta like February in the Keys!

The old bridge never looked so ghostly.

Laughter is Important

2009-02-19T20:59:00.002-05:00

There's a great new show on Comedy Central (Wednesday nights at 10:30) called "Important Things with Demetri Martin". If you haven't seen it yet, set your DVR and get ready to laugh. It's a sketch/stand-up mix - here's a preview of how funny he is (no video but plenty of laughs):

Funny Analogies

2009-02-19T15:57:00.001-05:00

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit
their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found
in high school essays in order to have them published and
sent out for the amusement of other teachers across the
country. Recent winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its
two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled around inside his head, making and
breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
Free.

3. He spoke with the kind of wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who goes blind because he looked at
a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in
it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools
about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he
was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound a
dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disin-
tegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude
shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM
machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene
had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation
in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead
of 7:30.

11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after
a sneeze.

12. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers
raced across the grassy field toward each other like two
freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m.
traveling west at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. traveling east at a speed of 35 mph.

13. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two humming-
birds who had also never met.

15. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and
she was the East River.

16. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel
trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted
shut.

17. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But
unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

18. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get
from not eating for a while.

19. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.

20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

New Years Eve 2009

2009-01-03T12:03:00.014-05:00

This year's new year's eve celebration at Duval and Greene street was only slightly less wacky than last year, which I'm still trying to remember. Yeah these pix are all blurry, but they still provide an accurate representation of the night as seen thru my foggy eyes. Happy New Year!

Knowledge is...

2009-01-02T07:45:00.006-05:00

Dangerous? Oh yeah, in the wrong hands (Cliff Claven?) knowledge is a disaster waiting to happen. Power? Absolutely. Useless? That depends - knowledge is useless only when you don't benefit from it. So get out there and start benefitting from some of these random nuggets:

Alaska
More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.

Amazon
The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% of the world's oxygen supply. The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon River is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.

Antarctica
Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.

Brazil
Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.

Canada
Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined.

Chicago
Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

Detroit
Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, so named because it was the first paved road anywhere.

Damascus, Syria
Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.

Istanbul, Turkey
Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents.

Los Angeles
L.A.'s full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula.

New York City
The term "The Big Apple" was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930's who used the slang expression "apple" for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time - The Big Apple. There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel.

Ohio
There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio, every one is man made.

Rome
The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on every continent.

Sahara Desert
In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years. Technically though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall there for two million years.

Siberia
Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.

S.M.O.M.
The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M.). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of two tennis courts, and as of 2001 has a population of 80, 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.

Spain
Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits.'

St. Paul, Minnesota
St. Paul, Minnesota, was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre "Pig's Eye" Parrant who set up the first business there.

Roads
Chances that a road is unpaved in the U.S.A.: 1%, in Canada: 75%

Texas
The deepest hole ever made in the world is in Texas. It is as deep as 20 empire state buildings but only 3 inches wide.

United States
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

Waterfalls
The water of Angel Falls (the World's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls.

Pass or fail?

2008-12-17T19:22:00.011-05:00

From a great blog that finds failure all around us...

One way to move a refrigerator:

Brutal honesty:

Obscene ham:

A failure, corrected:

Up in the sky...

2008-12-02T19:28:00.007-05:00

The Moon and Venus and Jupiter are all out together these days. I tried to take some pix but I couldn't get any that weren't blurry, so I decided to experiment with movement and light.

The smaller patterns were made by the planets, the bigger/brighter ones were made by the moon. Yep, that's the moon.

Family Guy

2008-11-03T19:22:00.003-05:00

One of my favorite shows is Family Guy. As funny as Peter Griffin is, there are other characters that are under the radar but worth a giant laugh:

Mort:

Bruce:

Stewie:

Perfect game

2008-10-30T10:44:00.003-04:00

Last night the Phillies won the World Series. It was a perfect game. Not because there were no baserunners, but because it was only 4 innings. Every pitch mattered, every out was that much more impoprtant. For once you could watch a game without falling asleep, and not have to wait until well past midnight to see the finish.

Perfect.

Better luck next year, Rays. You were the better team but the Phils had the better stars, and they showed up. Next season you won't sneak up on anyone, but you can take comfort in knowing that the Yankees are a permanent fixture in your rear view mirror. I know that makes me happy. Looking forward to another battle in 2009.

Sincerely,
Red Sox Nation

Red and wet

2008-10-24T10:07:00.007-04:00

It's that time of year again. FantasyFest week is here, and that apparently means two things: Duval Street will be full of crazy drunken revelers in all forms of dress (and undress), and that the skies will dump oceans of rain on the party. So far this year's party is right on schedule.

Last year I was a judge at the homemade bikini contest at Hog's Breath. It's a very popular event of the week, even better when you get to sit right at the stage while the contestants try their best to influence you for your vote. The contest (including the pre- and post-contest VIP parties) took about 5 hours, and when I walked out onto Duval street afterwards the street was flooded with nearly a foot of water. Apparently it had been raining the entire time.

This past Wednesday night, exactly one year to the day, we went out to enjoy the festivities. I didn't manage to get a seat at the judge's table this time, so we decided to pass on that event.

Instead, a group of us went to the 'Red' party at Fogarty's, another signature event of the week. It's exactly what it sounds like - everyone wears red, whether the color is in the form of clothing or body paint. Making things interesting was the rain. It poured, setting a record for the date (7 inches!) and was the 11th rainiest day in Key West history. Considering that we live in the tropics and battle hurricanes every year, that's saying something.

There are several wet t-shirt contests and body paint contests and naughty costume contests etc, but the rain did a fine job of making sure that everyone was wearing wet clothes so no need to pay that cover charge and crowd into a bar for any contests - just look around you!

Sorry to disappoint but I have no pictures to post. I left my camera at home, knowing we'd be walking in the rain for a good portion of the evening. Click here for some random pics (not mine) from last year's party.

World Seriezzzzzzzz

2008-10-20T18:33:00.004-04:00

As a Red Sox fan I have to admit that I was expecting the BoSox to breeze to victory once they'd managed to force a Game 7 - Game 5 was another classic Sox comeback, and their Game 6 win seemed like a prelude to another series victory. Then something happened in Game 7: The Rays showed up, and against the best pitcher the Sox had to offer. They finished off Jon Lester, and then used a 23 year old rookie pitcher to get the last 4 outs, getting the first save of his career in the process.

The result is a snoozer of a series with the Rays against the Phillies. Outside of Tampa/St Pete and Philadelphia, who cares?? Yeah I'm bitter that it's not the Sox, but prove me wrong. Show me TV ratings that prove people care. Ain't gonna happen.

At least I can get some sleep now. Good luck Rays.

eric cartman

2008-10-06T18:58:00.013-04:00

I promise that I'm not 15, but still - who's funnier than Cartman?

Torturing:

Singing:

Brawling:

London

2008-09-27T21:03:00.008-04:00

Usually I only post pics that I took myself, but these shots (from boston.com) of London at night are too cool not to share. For more go here.

Monument Valley

2008-09-15T22:02:00.008-04:00

Monument Valley, at the AZ/Utah border.

Kanab to Page / Glen Canyon

2008-09-15T21:07:00.009-04:00

Horseshoe Bend, Colorado River

Glen Canyon Dam below Lake Powell, Page AZ

North Rim, Grand Canyon

2008-09-15T20:33:00.013-04:00

Yeah that's the North Rim, 60+ miles straight ahead across the Kaibab Plateau.

In these last two you can see the Colorado River in the upper right corner. There were a few rafts floating down, I was surprised they were visible to the naked eye. I was also surprised at the water clarity - usually the Colorado is a muddy mess.

Sunrise at Bryce Canyon

2008-09-15T20:14:00.009-04:00

Thors Hammer, grabbing a piece of the day's first rays.

Beaver to Bryce

2008-09-15T20:01:00.004-04:00

A GREAT day on the road.

Brian Head

2008-09-11T21:15:00.010-04:00

Hubris: An irrational sense of overconfidence. Perhaps unqualified and bordering on arrogance (just ask Alex), it can lead to one's ultimate demise. That's my own loose definition of hubris - and on this day the definition may as well have included a picture of me.

For reasons still unclear to me, I decided that my skills at snow skiing combined with my skills on a bike qualified me to hop on a mountain bike at 10,000 feet and fly down the rocky slopes of Brian Head Ski Resort. This despite the fact that I'm an intermediate skier at best, not to mention skiing skills will mean nothing here today. This also despite the fact that I live and ride at maybe 5 feet above sea level max - rarely up, rarely down, just riding. Sign me up!

As I pulled up to the resort I was excited and ready, still blinded by hubris but also perhaps eased by the pictures I'd seen online. This was going to be a scenic ride with some adrenalin mixed in, and my itch would be scratched. As I rode the lift up, feeling the air getting thinner and cooler and seeing myself rising above the neighboring mountains, I started to get a sense of being in over my head. Really - you think??

I was told to follow the 'Color Country' trail for my first run. It's the park's easiest, and at 6 miles long it's a good way to get used to the mountain. On the trail map it looked like a nice ride but in reality it was a violent awakening. I stopped about halfway down the trail to remove my sunglasses, which were vibrating so much due to the rough/rocky trails that I could barely focus enough to dodge the bigger boulders. Shades off, I resumed the bumpy ride down. It only took a few moments to realize that it wasn't the shades that were vibrating - it was my eyeballs, bouncing around in their sockets. Somehow I got used to that freakishness and made it down. With a new sense of respect for the mountain combined with a more tempered level of confidence, I rode the lift back up for my second run.

Less than a mile down, my front brakes broke. Didn't stop working or malfunction, the pads completely broke off. Unfortunately this happened as I tried to slow the bike from going about 650 mph. No longer able to control my speed or direction, the result was inevitable. When I find myself in this sort of pre-accident position when skiing - and I do - I simply wreck, so at least I control when I begin suffering. However, at this speed and in these rocky conditions, wrecking wasn't at all desirable. Right about the time that I finished having this long and thoughtful conversation with myself, I wrecked. Somewhere in the course of tumbling down the rocky trail I must have tried to stop my fall with my foot, and in the course of the attempt managed to shred both my foot and ankle. At least it kept me from feeling the damage I'd done to my elbows...

The best part of this was that it happened when it did, early in the day before I was able to gain enough confidence do do something even more stupid than what I was already doing (VERY possible), and risking a more serious injury. The resort refunded me my money since it was an equipment failure, but I'm sure my lack of experience played a large role as well.

In the end this day changed a lot about the rest of the vacation for me. Hobbled, I was no longer planning on hiking or biking several miles each day. Instead of hustling each day from place to place so I could hit the trails, I would seek out the dirtiest lines on the map to get me there.

Zion and Kolob Canyons

2008-09-11T19:52:00.014-04:00

To get from Vegas to Cedar City you simply drive north on I-15 for about 2 hours. Or, you can drive through Valley of Fire and then take the scenic drive through Zion Nat'l Park, and then detour on the dirt road that moves through Kolob Canyons, eventually dropping out of the sky and 'down' (elevation: 5800 ft) into Cedar City about 8 hours later.

After about 4 hours of 20 mph zigzagging, and right about the time that I was wondering if I'd made a major error and would have to turn around, a big truck towing a dirt smoother (think baseball diamond) approached. Surprised to see a convertible slumming it on his dirt track, he slowed to chat. I asked him if this road would get me to Cedar City. "Heyull yeah!" he shouted proudly. Put at ease, and happily inhaling the swirling dirt from his passing, I eagerly continued on and eventually found civilization again.

So very early in my vacation, and already I had satisfied my desire to Get Lost. Yes this road was on some map, but it was gray and dotted. And I was on it. Heyull yeah.

Utah: Life Elevated

2008-09-06T12:45:00.015-04:00

How good does it feel to crest a hill and see this view, knowing that it goes on and on like that for miles, and that you have the road all to yourself? REAL good.

For me the journey is equally as memorable as the destination, sometimes even more so. That's what this trip was all about, one reason why there are a lot of pics that include the road. My favorite memories are usually found somewhere on the gravel road between Point A and Point Z.

For a ton more pics click here. Eventually I'll post more here along with some scattered details and ramblings. Right now it's time to get the heck outta here so Hurricane Ike can have his way...

Tropical Storm Fay

2008-08-18T15:51:00.018-04:00

At 2:00 Monday 8/18, right in the thick of hard rains and 50 mph gusts brought by TS Fay, I decided to take a drive around Key West and see how the island is taking the storm so far. This 1st pic shows a muddy surge coming over the seawall at Higgs Beach.

A tree uprooted just 100 yards from my house

Exactly one hour later I return home, the rain has slowed down quite a bit. Nice to see that they're already taking care of the tree.

Weather pics

2008-08-18T15:45:00.008-04:00

Approaching storms always provide a good photo op, lots of colors and contrast.

Addition by subtraction

2008-08-01T09:25:00.013-04:00

In the spirit of my previous post regarding independence, I'm happy to say that Manny Ramirez is no longer with the Red Sox. Despite the fact that he's a certain hall-of-famer, he wasn't worth keeping in the clubhouse. He quit on his teammates. This man makes over $120,000 every game - and there are 162 games in a season! - yet he didn't feel that he needed to show up and perform every night to earn that money.

So the team did the only thing they could: they gave him away to L.A. Not only are the Sox paying the remainder of his salary for the last 2 months of this season ($7 million!), they also threw in a couple of players from their major league roster to make sure the deal got done. The Dodgers get a free Manny, the Pirates get 4 promising young players, and the Sox cure cancer - and get a good player in Jason Bay. Win win win.

Manny was quick to draw a parallel to his situation and the one Nomar Garciaparra was in 4 years ago, painting the picture that the team ran these stars out of Boston. Here's another parallel: In the summer of '04, the Sox traded away Nomar - like Manny a fan favorite, but like Manny a player that was an underperforming grouch - and promptly won their first world series in a bazillion years. Now Manny joins Nomar with the Dodgers, and the Sox turn the page.

See you in October.

Independence Day

2008-08-01T08:42:00.002-04:00

A personal Independence Day is approaching: On August 13 2007, some papers were signed and filed, and liberty for two people was granted. From each other.

Happiness is what you gain from every moment in every day. Life doesn't have to be miserable, in fact it should be the opposite. Waking up depressed is a terrible way to start any day, much less all of them. Misery can make you drown; freedom is a reason to celebrate. Life can begin again - and if it does make sure you embrace it.

So, if on August 13th you hear some firecrackers going off in NoVa or Key West, you'll know why.

Book: Into Thin Air (Krakauer)

2008-07-22T09:13:00.006-04:00

Wow. Jon Krakauer can write. I was blown away by his book Into The Wild, and became obsessed with the story of Christopher McCandless (still am), based mostly upon my perceived similarities to the main character. At the same time, I also became obsessed with Krakauer's ability to tell a story. As a result, I grabbed his book Into Thin Air and dove in eagerly.

If you don't already know the details (I didn't), the book tells the story of the tragic events that occurred in 1996 as several groups simultaneously attempted to climb Mt Everest.

Krakauer, as a columnist and editor-at-large for Outside magazine (and experienced climber), was asked by the magazine to join a guided expedition on Everest - not to climb the peak, but to remain at base camp and document the increasing commercialization of the mountain. He declined, mostly because he felt it would be too frustrating to be so close to the challenge of the mountain without ascending higher than base camp (altitude of 'only' 17,600 feet). Later he asked Outside if they would consider booking him with one of the more reputable guide services (and cover the $65k fee) to give him a chance to reach the summit (29,028 feet). They surprised him and agreed, and off he went.

Just as with Into The Wild, after reading the first chapter of Into Thin Air you know how the story ends. This became much more than a documentary account of the increasing traffic on the mountain: it was a struggle for survival, and not nearly everyone survives.

Included in the book are several photos taken at or near the summit of Everest. It is clear in the photos how extreme the conditions were, and also how difficult it was to tell who is who due to the amount of gear/clothing each climber was wearing. This is relevant, as the story reveals - "is that a guide, or a fellow client, or a Sherpa?" etc. With wind-chill temps reaching minus-100 degrees, and at an oxygen-depleted altitude over 29000 feet, your life depends on every decision that you make. Throughout, it is revealed that poor decisions were made by guides and clients and Sherpas alike. At the same time all were challenged to be heroic and many responded in ways that cannot be imagined by someone sitting at sea level.

The story is so incredibly told that it's easy to forget that it's true, and that Krakauer was there, living (barely) through the drama. One of my favorite reviews of the book included the following, from Mirabella:

"Though it comes from the genre named for what it isn't (nonfiction), this has the feel of literature: Krakauer is Ishmael, the narrator who lives to tell the story but is forever trapped within it...Krakauer's reporting is steady but ferocious. The clink of ice in a glass, a poem of winter snow, will never sound the same."

Indeed.

More Keys history

2008-07-14T09:24:00.010-04:00

Lots of old Keys pics and information to be found here. Select 'virtual road trip' and sample some pics along the way from Key largo to Key West. Or, select 'photo search' and browse the archives - you can click on individual pics for larger versions. Click on 'description' for the date the photo was taken and other interesting details.

Link: http://www.mile-markers.org/

Genius at work

2008-07-11T15:14:00.015-04:00

Book: Haunted (Palahniuk)

2008-06-28T16:20:00.005-04:00

I'm a huge fan of Chuck Palahniuk. He's so ridiculously creative and unique, I can't even think of anyone to compare him to. While his most famous work so far is Fight Club - a great book which was made into a great movie starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton - he has written several books that in my opinion are even better.

Choke was the first book by Palahniuk that I ever read, and remains my favorite. It's being made into a movie, set for release sometime this September. It's been a few years since I read it and I'm gonna resist the urge to read it again, just so I can go into the movie with an open mind and not try to measure it against that book. Just as with Fight Club (and all of his books), Choke is a complicated story that can't possibly translate easily to the big screen - but, just as with Fight Club, if it works it will work very well. I can't wait!

I just finished reading Haunted. This is a collection of short stories told by a group of would-be authors, as part of what is supposed to be a 'writer's retreat' (one of the stories in particular is alleged to have caused many people to faint when read aloud by Palahniuk while on a publicity tour). This was a wild ride, and as usual for his books there is simply no predicting where the story is going, or what the characters are capable of. As much as I can't wait for Choke to be a movie, if this book ever gets there it'll be a blockbuster. The whole time I'm reading, my mind is showing the movie - I'm exhausted! Any potential director has his work cut out on this one...

Haunted is not for the Palahniuk virgin. If this is the first book you read by him it will probably be your last - and you'll probably burn it before anyone else suffers through it. If you've already experienced his genius, if you're already prepared for his insanity, then you'll love this one too. There is always a frenetic pace in his books that leads to some sort of climax, and this book is no exception.

If you've never read Palahniuk but want to, try starting with Survivor. This is also an excellent book but not quite so...I don't even know what word to use here, but if I did it would describe Haunted.

Movie: The Happening

2008-06-23T11:53:00.009-04:00

I went to see The Happening this weekend, M. Night Shyamalan's latest effort. Hyped as his first R-rated film, I was hoping that it would make up for recent duds (in my opinion) like The Village and Signs. I made sure not to read any reviews before I went, just in case there was a trademark plot twist or some other reason that I'd benefit by remaining ignorant. Thankfully my friend didn't reveal to me the bad reviews she'd heard...

Anyway, I have one word to describe the movie: don'twasteyourmoney.

Maybe I was caught up in the hype, maybe I expected too much - or maybe it just sucked. The first half was pretty cool, mysterious and suspenseful as you try to figure out what's going on. The second half of the movie just dragged, and finally the end just sort of happens. No twist, and not even much of an explanation about what happened. It just ends. You ask "that's it??", and you get up and walk out wishing you had those 2 hours (and your $20) back.

Four thumbs down from us.

Desert wandering

2008-06-20T13:52:00.010-04:00

In August I'm going on vacation. It starts and ends in Las Vegas, but the 9 days in between will be spent wandering the gravel roads of Indian country and hiking/biking the canyons of SW Utah. It's hard to find a greater side-by-side contrast in this country - the lavish crowded excess of Vegas vs the nearby deserts and canyons and their hundred mile views. It's an area of the country that everyone should see, and experience. I can't wait!

Two definite destinations are Canyonlands and Bryce Canyon. I don't want to have an itinerary so I'm not planning out anything more than the first and last nights (Vegas), but I know for sure that I will spend some time at these two parks. Zion and Glen Canyon and Capitol Reef are all also near enough that I'll probably find myself there as well, time permitting. I'll rent a mountain bike and throw it in the back of the car, and when the road ends the real fun begins.

Who knows when there will be time to read, but if so I just got a couple books with this trip in mind:

Life of Pi is a book that was recommended to me by a friend, after hearing how much I liked Siddhartha. While I'm far from religious, I do enjoy a journey whether it's physical or spiritual. In this case it appears to be both. Perfect!

Desert Solitaire seems to be a perfect book for this trip, about the author's experience while working as a park ranger in Utah's deserts. It is by no means a travel guide or reference book - it's more of an introspective look at time spent alone, away from society's trappings and inside one's own mind. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to relate...

Mitch Hedberg makes me laugh

2008-06-10T07:37:00.007-04:00

Mitch Hedberg is (was) a funny dude. His comedy style was similar to Steven Wright, based almost entirely on simple observations made funny by his delivery. Some of my favorites:

I want to hang a map of the world in my house, then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve travelled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house - 'Well, I was
lost but now I live here'. I have severely improved my predicament.

I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

I sit at my hotel at night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.

You know, I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower, does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

On a stop light green means go and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Boy, you really like Tide."

I played golf. I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell, "Fore!" I was too busy yelling, "There ain't no way that's gonna hit him!"

My name is...wait - what day is it?

2008-06-08T14:28:00.008-04:00

My married friends often bust my chops for not posting more about the single life and action on Duval Street. I can sympathize with them to a degree - I mean they log on to see what kind of crazy stuff goes on in Key West, and all I feed them is tales of paddling mangrove tunnels and rising gas prices and book reviews. Granted, not exactly compelling reading, and not much reason to tune in tomorrow to see what happened next. There are several reasons for this, including:
* Both of my parents read this, so I'd rather not tarnish their wholesome view of their son;
* Some past (and potential future) girlfriends read this, so I'd rather not enlighten them with sordid details;
* To be honest there really isn't that much to tell. I love my life, but it's probably boring to anyone that's looking for tales of tourist girl conquests and random Van Der Slooting.

That said...

Friday after work I met with some friends for dinner at Salsa Loca. This is my favorite restaurant in Key West, serving great food at a very reasonable price - which cannot be said about many restaurants on Duval Street. I have a weakness for chips and salsa, and also am unable to leave a single speck of food on my plate. This combination means that I leave there at least 15 pounds heavier, as stuffed as after Thanksgiving dinner. This would all be fine except that this night was only beginning.

One of my friends was moving the next morning, so we were celebrating. Adding several drinks to my already full stomach, by 10 PM or so I was overfilled and about to be overflowing. As we moved from Island Dogs to Irish Kevin's, I came to the sad realization that I was about to throw up. I made my way to the bathroom and waited impossibly long to get a stall (who poops in a bar bathroom??!) so I could have some privacy. Finally the stall door opened and in I went. Ah, relief! I was so happy (as happy as a dude in my condition could be, anyway) only to see that there already was barf all over the toilet. In some bizarre backwards twist of oxymoronic irony, it was too gross for me to barf there. I could only laugh at my sad predicament, wipe the sweat off my head, and walk back out to join my friends while remaining in my private misery. Somehow I survived, even managed to make it until 3 AM until I finally went home.

Saturday night it all started again. This time at least I didn't eat nearly as much, so no probs like the night before. Feeling good, we bounced from The Bull and Whistle to Fat Tuesdays to Sloppy Joe's to Irish Kevin's. While at Kevin's, I was approached by an attractive girl who had a couple of very nice things to say to me. Flattered, I followed her to the back of the bar where we could have a more intimate conversation. Her name was Shea - but no not Shea she clarified, Shay. We discussed her name at length, as it's a name I've always liked. As the night went on and we were periodically interrupted by guys stopping by to say hi, it became apparent that I wasn't the only guy she'd been flirting with. Not surprising really, I mean Irish Kevin's is a bit of a meat market. I said something about the fact that obviously I wasn't the only guy she was interested in, and in her effort to defend her integrity she told me "hey at least I didn't feed you the line that my name was Shay". Oops. I asked what her name really was, and sheepishly grinning she asked me what day it was...

We had a laugh about it, I mean really it was kind of enlightening (and humbling). Men aren't the only ones that bring a fake rap/bio into a bar, and women aren't the only victims of bogus pickup lines. To top it off I didn't buy a single drink all night - I think I like being the hunted, even if it means being lied to.

Book: Into The Wild (Krakauer)

2008-05-29T15:12:00.009-04:00

I've written about this already: saw the movie a couple months ago, then bought the book and DVD the next day, etc etc. Obviously this story had a major affect on me. I finished reading the book last weekend, and now I'm depressed - the adventure is over. Same (true) story but with much more detail, including interviews with many of the people whose lives were affected (and altered) by Chris McCandless/Alexander Supertramp.

Unlike the movie, in the book you know how the story ends from Page One. I suppose the author (Jon Krackauer, columnist for Outside magazine) felt that it would help him tell the story, since he's constantly weaving in his own experiences and opinions throughout the book. Krakauer is an extreme adventurist in his own right, having climbed many mountains - in fact I also plan to read 'Into Thin Air', a book he wrote about his tragic trip up Mt. Everest.

Much of his life experience follows a path similar to that of Chris/Alex's, or vice versa. Sometime solitary adventurer, sometime extreme chance-taker, sometime stubborn idiot. It's no wonder I relate to both of them so much...

The book contained many memorable quotes. One of my favorites, from a letter that Alex wrote to the old man in the desert, trying to convince him to change his sedentary lifestyle:

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future.

The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."

OK now read that again.

I highly recommend the book to anyone who loves to travel, loves the outdoors, is searching for something, or just loves to read. You won't be disappointed.

Mangrove Tunnels

2008-05-19T18:48:00.010-04:00

Stalking Geiger Creek for tarpon. I watched a nice one shoot up one of the skinny tunnels that spur off of the main creek. Earlier that morning the tide was high and I wasn't able to get through them, but as the tide went out the tunnels became passable. I followed him in.

As the tunnel tightened I couldn't use the paddle so I just pushed off of the mangroves. Watching the water below as I passed, I saw the tarpon shoot back out right under the canoe: just like that he was gone. I kept going, no longer chasing the fish but instead just exploring.

It felt so secret. Instead of talking to myself like I always do when I fish, I was whispering. Eventually the creek kept going until it snarled up into an impassable mass of mangrove roots, and it was time to give up - and work my way out backwards.

Fishing, hunting, exploring - all great hobbies, even better when you can do them all at the same time.

Up the Creek

2008-05-12T17:19:00.015-04:00

Saturday I launched the canoe off of Boca Chica beach (5 miles east of Key West), with plans to explore Geiger Creek. As I paddled across the flat leading to the creek I saw several tarpon rolling but couldn't get them to bite anything. I caught a couple of barracudas at the mouth of the creek, then decided it was time to paddle in and see what I could find. I saw a huge cuda loitering under the bridge, but he was just watching me with no interest in biting (I was alternately throwing a zara spook and a DOA shrimp). I started working my way up the creek, and after a couple big snaps from under some mangroves, I anchored up and started pitching the spook.

I saw a huge cuda come out from a spot under the groves, and watched him follow the spook as I walked it across the water until finally BAM he hit it. I fought him for a minute or 2, until he straightened out 2 of the 3 hooks in the treble that had hooked him, and off he went. Dangit! About this time a kayaker came by from upstream, and I asked him if he'd seen any tarpon. Nope, just snapper, he didn't think any tarpon were in that creek. I knew better so I kept pitching the spook. I threw a perfect cast into the mouth of a little side creek and let it flow up under the overhanging mangrove as I twitched it, and BAM another huge hit. Thinking it was another cuda, I set the hook and brought it out into the open water. About that time it jumped, and I realized it was a BIG (3+ foot) tarpon! Sweet!!

The kayaker dude was freaking out because it was jumping all around him and he was afraid it would swamp his kayak, so I did my best to muscle him over my way - I almost fell in during the battle, to his amusement. After about 10 minutes of fighting him I could see he (and I) was getting tired. He'd stopped jumping and would just surge now and then, so I decided it was time to try and release him. I looked away for a moment to grab my boga grip, and he managed to get some slack and simply spit out the hook. Just like that it was over. Tarpon fishing.

I was shaking for an hour or more after that, such a great feeling! I cast a few more times to the same area, but the battle had cleared the water of any fish willing to bite. I paddled over to where the tarpon had hit, just to see what the area looked like and if it looked like a spot that they might always gravitate to. Sure enough there were several more tarpon swimming down below, not as big as the one I'd hooked but there they were, looking like they were at home. Good to know - I'll definitely be back. After that I paddled all the way up the creek, thru the narrow mangrove tunnels and out into the open water. Caught a couple nice snapper at the mouth, and saw a shark swim by but he wasn't biting. I stopped there and had lunch, still shaking from the adrenaline rush of the tarpon fight. Finally I paddled back down the creek and out into the open ocean and enjoyed the nice day, knowing I was a lucky boy.

Where else would I want to be? Nowhere.

Key West sunset

2008-04-13T14:34:00.011-04:00

As I sat on the beach Saturday night, I wondered if anyone had ever taken a picture of the sunset from Key West. HA! Of course I'm joking - as the sun sank I was 1 of maybe 50 or so others on the beach all trying for that perfect picture. That's not counting the hundreds of people at Mallory Square enjoying the same sunset, or all the others on the catamarans passing back and forth.

I probably took 40 or so pics (clearly I had nothing better to do), and I have to think at least one of them is close to perfect. If not there's always tomorrow night to try again.

Movie: Into The Wild

2008-04-01T11:35:00.005-04:00

I rented the movie Into The Wild last night and can't stop thinking about it. So much so that today I bought both the movie and the book. The fact that it's based on a true story is hard to believe - yet at the same time believable, because so many of us can relate to the angst that defines the plot. It's a great tale of wanderlust and soul-searching, and of challenging one's self to test the limits of our own inner strength. With much focus on the established social need for human interaction and relationships vs the need to explore the land and the soul as an individual, it speaks very loudly to anyone who's ever wondered what (and who) they're capable of living with, and without.

After graduating college, the main character donates his life's savings to charity, leaves behind his family and secretly embarks on a journey of discovery and endurance. From Virginia to Alaska, and seemingly every state in between, it's a journey that affects many lives along the way. Mine included.

Ft. Zach beach

2008-03-29T19:29:00.011-04:00

Fort Zachary Taylor State Park, giving Bahia Honda some tough competition in the battle for best beach in the Keys. Believe it or not, the forecast for today was "cloudy and a good chance of rain". Glad I went to the beach - hopefully it'll be this kind of rainy again tomorrow.

Stage Performance 101

2008-03-27T08:23:00.005-04:00

Two videos (thanks Alyson), both about 4 minutes long and both from appearances on Letterman. The first 2 minutes of each just set the stage for the final 2 minutes, so stay with it. This is how you build a following.

Raveonettes - Aly Walk With Me

Liam Finn - Second Chance

Keys Disease - redefined

2008-03-22T14:35:00.010-04:00

OK, so I've been thinking a lot lately about Keys Disease. I mean all this time I thought I knew what it was, but I've been wrong - or at least I've found another definition of it.

Living down here means living where other people come every day to vacation, to get away from their reality, to lose their inhibitions. That sounds great - until you realize that as a resident, you have to put that mentality aside and try to earn a living. Every day, every night, temptations are everywhere. Somewhere between work and home you will drive past a tiki bar or a beach - or both. If you allow yourself to be seduced by the music or drinks or bikinis, you can quickly find yourself out of work.

Around every corner, under every bridge, there is a homeless person - a human testimony, reminding you of what can happen if you don't keep your blinders on. So, I assumed that Keys Disease was the affliction that one succumbs to when one is unable to resist the endless temptations. The resulting condition that you see in the man pictured at the top of this post, a man who calls himself Josey Wales. No home, no job, and drunk. Keys Disease.

However, I'm coming to terms with a deeper version, or perhaps just a missing link between John Doe and Josey Wales. Lately I find myself thinking about every single decision I make as though my entire future depends on it. I find myself looking at every one of my possessions, wondering if I really need it or not. Since the answer more often than not is 'no', I feel that I'm getting one step closer to freedom.

Is this thing a necessity, or a burden?

To be wealthy is not to have more, it is to need less. Freedom is having less stuff.

Not very long ago, I was living in a big house on a golf course, had a great job with excellent pay and security, and I considered myself wealthy. I made the decision to walk away, leaving all that behind to be where I've always wanted to be. Today, I'm making a lot less money and have a lot less stuff. And I'm preparing to make even less money, and have even less stuff. And I've never felt wealthier.

I'm not the first person to make that leap. Not nearly - the Keys are full of people that did/are doing the same thing.

Keys Disease. It's scary powerful. Josey Wales has it. So do I.

History of the Keys

2008-03-22T14:31:00.010-04:00

http://www.keyshistory.org/generalhistory.html

http://www.keyshistory.org/specific.html

storm watch

2008-02-21T20:47:00.007-05:00

A strong front blew in from the west, one of the rare days when weather approached directly from that direction. Where I used to live it was normal to see weather move west to east. Here in the keys, who knows?

Here it comes.

Super Super Bowl

2008-02-07T20:56:00.000-05:00

This year’s Super Bowl was seen in more US households than any other, and ranks behind only the final episode of M*A*S*H as the 2nd most-watched TV show ever. Yes the game was close and therefore kept viewers tuned in, but that’s not why it was so popular. It was watched by so many people because of the New England Patriots, and their attempt at making history. The NY Giants were an inconvenience between the Pats and immortality.

For the first half of the season, the Pats were steamrolling their opponents by an average score of 144-3. Then came the game with the Ravens. The Pats very nearly lost that game and were exposed as imperfect, mortal. The games that followed had similar results – yes the Pats won them all, but no longer were they blowing teams out.

In the final week of the season, both the Giants and Pats had zero incentive to play their starters against each other. Both had clinched all they could, and both had an eye on the playoffs. But, instead of rolling over and getting their starters healthy, the Giants decided to give them a game. They did, leading for much of the game before losing by 3 points. It provided the Giants - and in particular Eli Manning – with a major dose of confidence.

In the playoffs, the Giants went on the road and mowed through Jeff Garcia and the Bucs, Romo and the Cowboys, and Favre and the Packers. All 3 losing QB’s made the Pro Bowl as the top 3 in the NFC, and all were upset by Eli and the Giants. Garcia looked overrated. Romo looked Jessica’d. Favre looked old. Each win was more improbable, especially in the below-zero temps at Lambeau field. But with each win the Giants – and in particular Eli – got stronger.

But beat those 3 QB’s and then Brady too? The #1 QB in the NFL, lock for MVP, stud of the NFL Brady? No way. Vegas agreed, and made the Pats a huge favorite.

Meanwhile the Pats did their job and made it to the Super Bowl, where everyone expected them to be. But their opponent was not Dallas or Green Bay as expected, it was those Giants, the same team that had them on the ropes a few weeks earlier. As the 3rd quarter came to a close with the score still only 7-3, I will admit that I was bordering on boredom (sounds catchy). Without a rooting interest, I was looking forward to an exciting game and this was more of a chess match.

Then came the 4th quarter. Quite possibly the most exciting quarter in Super Bowl history, at least in my understated opinion.

The Giants scored their first TD of the game to take the lead. Then late in the quarter, watching Brady drive the Pats down the field to retake the lead, it felt so clearly preordained that here was where the Pats would cement their place. Watching the clock tick, watching the drive, it was all so inevitable. TD pass to Moss, Pats lead, 2 minutes left. There it is.

Then Eli led the Giants on one more drive. On 3rd and long with about a minute left in the game, Eli was swarmed by the Pats defense and very nearly sacked. Instead, he escaped and lobbed a long pass up for grabs. Way down the field, a no-name receiver waited – along with a pro-bowl cornerback. The receiver grabbed the ball and made a miracle catch, pinning the ball against his helmet with one hand while fighting off the defender with the other. The ball never touched the ground.

Greatest play in Super Bowl history.

A couple plays later, Manning threw the game-winning TD with 35 seconds left. Brady coolly led the Pats out one last time but could do nothing. He tried 2 long passes to Moss, probably hoping for an interference call as much as a catch, but got neither. Game over.

Yes it was the most watched Super Bowl ever. The polarizing Pats were the main reason people tuned in - there are teams that people are indifferent about, like say the Jaguars or Seahawks, but EVERYONE had an opinion about the Pats. Still, in the end it was the Giants that had everyone cheering. Everyone except the Pats fans, that is.

As many viewers as the game had, it still amounted to only half the US. What on earth was the other half of the country doing???

The doctor is in...between 4 and 7

2008-01-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

OK so I decided that I needed to set up a primary care physician, I mean I figure that's how healthcare works these days - you go see your PCP, and he either treats you or directs you to a specialist as needed. I hadn't been to a doc since moving here and I'm due to get a general physical exam anyway, so step one is finding a doc.

I log onto the website of my health plan, and did a search for a doc 'in network' (plan pays 90% vs much less for 'out of network'). Result is ONE doctor, in Key West. I call to set up an appt, and get voicemail. Left message. No return call for 2 days so I call again, leave vm again. This is a doctor's office?

Three days after the original call, I get a call from the secretary asking the nature of my call. I explain (PCP, physical, etc), and she says that the doc is in KW on Tues and Thurs between 4 and 7, would I like to come in? Yes of course, so she says come this Tues after 4 and bring a book since there are no set appt times. Huh?? OK, whatever, I guess this is KW and we're not supposed to be in a hurry. So I go on the next Tuesday, book in hand.

3:45, I walk into an empty office. Around the corner I find a 'secretary' reading IN TOUCH magazine (something about Britney no doubt) and ask if I'm in the right place. Yes she says, um sign in here (she turns over a photocopied something-or-other to the blank side and I simply write my name) and then she hands me a 'form' to fill out. We've all been to doctor's offices, and especially on a first visit can expect lots of paperwork to fill out (that's why I came early). But this is a VERY blurry/cropped photocopy of some standard form and I finished in like 2 minutes. Name, address, birthday, insurance info. I expected a lot more questions (family history, previous illness, operations, etc) but whatever...

4:00, the parade begins. Who even knew that these people all existed down here? By 4:30, the waiting room is full of every walk of life - male female all races wheelchairs mentally challenged on crutches several languages bleeding homeless talking loudly on cellphones etc etc ETC. Thank goodness I got there early and was at the top of the 'list'!

5:15, the doctor calls me in. Takes my blood pressure, asks why I'm here (PCP, physical, etc) and starts writing down some notes. After a few simple questions (any allergies, how much do I exercise, my job, why I moved to KW) he tells me to take this form and remember not to eat after 9 PM the night before - he tears off a page from his little memo pad and hands it to me. 5 minutes and I'm done, I've got a 4x6 inch note to prove it.

I hand the note to the secretary, who asks when I'm supposed to be coming back. I have no idea, I just know I'm not supposed to eat the night before. So she makes an appt for me, and tells me to take that 4x6 note with me when I go to get the bloodwork done - no mention of where, or when. So I ask. The hospital, whenever you want to. She says there's no appointment, I guess you just go between their regular hours of 8-5. OK I say, so I just walk in the door of the hospital at 9 AM and now where do I go? She says someone there will probably be able to tell me. Oh good.

She gives me a business card with my follow-up appt written on it (date only of course, no time), and asks for my $20 copay fee. I pay in cash, and when I ask for a receipt she takes the business card back and writes '$20 pd' on it and initials it. Mmm, modern.

So I have a follow up appt (bring a book) in 2 weeks, sometime between now and then I guess I'm supposed to go to the hospital with my little note and start asking people where I should go. Ah, life in Key West.

Glad I'm healthy - at least I think I am, I guess I'll find out. Maybe...

That's why they play the games

2008-01-19T19:41:00.000-05:00

Today in the Dean Dome, undefeated and #1 ranked North Carolina lost to the Maryland Terrapins. The Terps are notorious giant killers, in fact this is the 7th time that the team coached by Gary Williams has beaten the #1 ranked team in the country. For this game the Terps were a 20+ point underdog. No matter. Everyone needs a nemesis:

Love the Terps.
Hate the Tarheels. And Duke.

Love the Red Sox.
Hate the Yankees. And Mets.

Love the Redskins.
Hate the Cowboys. And Eagles. And Giants.

Yes, UNC will probably be playing in the Final Four long after the Terps are eliminated from the NIT. As well they should be. But today, Maryland did to UNC what the Ravens failed to do to the Patriots a few weeks ago: beat a superior team that will eventually win it all.

Tomorrow the Chargers get their chance...

The Birds

2008-01-08T20:17:00.000-05:00

This flock of birds kept diving to the water and coming back up with a meal. Then they'd fly around a bit while they ate before pooing their meal onto my Jeep, conveniently (for them) parked next to their buffet/water. I finally got tired of chasing them away and took a few pics instead. Somehow that did the trick - they left. It was as though they didn't want to be photographed at the scene of the crime.

I need to wash my car.

Party with the pig

2008-01-04T20:03:00.000-05:00

Every Friday afternoon at 3:00, a lucky employee of Boondocks Grille and Drafthouse dons the pink pig costume and walks proudly to the shoulder of US 1 to attract customers, especially tourists rushing through on their way to Key West. Thus begins the Party On The Patio, a weekly 3 hour celebration marking the end of another strenuous work week here in paradise.

For $10, you get a huge plate of fresh pulled pork (sometimes also pork tenderloin skewers and red snapper filets), baked beans, potato salad and cole slaw, and all the beer you can drink. Despite the all-you-can-drink label, it doesn't degenerate into a frat party, instead it's just a fun place to gather and start the weekend off right.

Great service, great food, and walking distance to my house.

I haven't missed one yet.

New Year's Eve 2008

2008-01-03T08:45:00.000-05:00

Just as with FantasyFest in October, there seems to be steps that locals go through regarding celebrating New Year's eve in Key West:

1: Your first year you go all out (and then suffer the consequences);

2: Your second year you've learned, and do it in moderation;

3: Your third year you leave it for the tourists and hardcore locals.

This was my first, so I knew it was probably gonna be a wild one. It was.

In Key West there are several different areas where people are celebrating. In the 'not that there's anything wrong with that' district there is a large red shoe that drops at midnite, carrying a transvestite. At the historic seaport area, there is a wench that drops down the mast of an old schooner. At Duval and Greene Streets there is a conch shell that drops onto the roof above Sloppy Joe's, along with thousands and thousands of revelers in the street. We chose Sloppy Joe's.

My friend Tony was in town visiting. We waited until about 10:30 before making our way to Duval Street - we knew it was going to be a long night, no need to start too early. Little did we know just how long the night would be.

Across Duval from Sloppy Joe's is Capt Tony's Saloon, which was easier to get in/out of than SJ's, so first we went there and got a couple of drinks. I was standing just outside the bathroom door taking a picture of the band when someone bolted out in a hurry, slamming the door into my head HARD. I shook it off as no big deal, but the next morning I had a souvenir bump to remind me of Capt Tony's. It took a few hours to remember where it came from, but really that was par for the Jan 1 course.

We celebrated in the streets with the mob until about 12:30 or 1, watching all the fireworks and bubbles and confetti, then went inside SJ's to join their party. We proceeded to close them down, finally leaving sometime after 4 AM. During those 3 hours I'm told a lot of stuff happened, some of which I remember and some of which I'll just have to assume is true. Keys Disease.

Walking back to where we were staying should have taken all of about 15 minutes (5 or 6 blocks). After about 45 minutes it became clear I wasn't the guide I thought I was. Tony finally got frustrated and struck out on his own, and despite being from out of town he found it before I did. 30 minutes later I (accidentally) found my way there. So, finally, at 5:30 we put the night to sleep just as the sun was starting to wake itself up.

I think next year I'll go right to step 3 and watch it on TV. Keys Disease indeed.

Happy New Year!

BRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

2008-01-03T08:28:00.000-05:00

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

OK so I understand that I live in the warmest place in the country right now, but that hasn't stopped the cold from reaching down here too. This morning it was 45 degrees, breaking the record for this day that had been set back in the 1890's, and coming within 4 degrees of the all-time low for Key West. Making matters worse, my house has no heat (why should it?) so it was 49 degrees INSIDE when I woke up this morning. BRRRRR!!!

For reference, the average monthly temps for Key West in January are 75/65, the coldest averages for any month. It was 85 three days ago.

Watching the weather last night, 50% of the US has snow on the ground right now so I guess I shouldn't complain. But I will shiver. These flip flops do nothing to keep my feet warm, so I guess it's partially my own fault. It'll be back near 80 by the weekend, which will probably feel like 120. Let's go fishing!

Living the Dream - again

2007-12-28T17:02:00.000-05:00

Last weekend my Father and his wife Christine came down to the Keys for the long Christmas holiday weekend, and on one of the days we went fishing again with Dream Catcher Charters out of Key West.

Once again they were able to put us on plenty of fish, not to mention secure a perfect day of weather for us. I caught my first grouper and my first (of many) porgy, as well as plenty of snappers - but this trip was about Christine, and the nice lemon shark she pulled in.

Capt. Dave took care of everything. In fact he caught the blue runner for bait, and knew that it would catch us a shark. He was right, and it didn't take long before the rod was bent.

Once she had the shark hooked, she spent the next 15 minutes walking around the boat following and fighting it with all she had. Finally it tired and she reeled it in - the first shark she ever caught.

Capt. Dave does a quick and safe release of the worn out Lemon shark.

Living the dream.

Fantasy Football

2007-12-27T08:42:00.000-05:00

I have to admit it - I'm hooked. Bad.

Until last year, I always shook my head when I heard people talking about their fantasy football teams. I mean why should I care about how many yards were gained by some obscure running back on a team I didn't like? Do I really need to know who Selvin Young is? Patrick Crayton? Rob Bironas?

The answer is a big YES.

It doesn't help matters that I lean ever so slightly toward being obsessive-compulsive. Although I wouldn't call the condition a disorder, I will admit that it's a beast to deal with sometimes - it gets very hungry and requires regular feeding. Enter fantasy football. I found something I could do where my OC would be an asset.

Last year I joined a league along with several of my coworkers, and learned what it's all about. Most of the other 'owners' drafted their teams and started the same lineup every week, with a few minor exceptions due to bye-weeks or injuries. Due to my lack of experience, I had drafted what I felt was a weak team. Because of this, I would scan the stats of player after player day after day, looking for matchups that would be favorable for the next game. I'd pick them up, use them that week, then throw them away and do it all over again the next week with a different set of players.

Somehow my team (the Dreadsox) managed to get to the Super Bowl, but was up against a team with all-stars at every position. I won, despite fielding a team headed by backups like Jeff Garcia and Ladell Betts. Who, you ask? Exactly. Matchups - they were in the right place at the right time. My obsessive scrambling and tinkering had paid off, and I got paid.

This year, despite taking a new job and moving 1500 miles away, I was still able to play in the same league with the same friends thanks to the internet. After a very slow start, I put together a strong team but fell just short of making the playoffs. The same team I played against in the Super Bowl last year was there again this year, with an even stronger team. He won, and it's a good thing he did - I think he may have gone postal if he hadn't. Seriously. And I wouldn't have blamed him.

Such is the maddening state of fantasy football. It has completely changed the way I watch a game, and the way I follow the NFL season. I don't really have a favorite team anymore - I have MY team. Who cares if the Patriots keep winning - the season is over for the Dreadsox.

I can't wait for next year.

Smith Mountain Boys

2007-12-06T18:45:00.001-05:00

Every fall, the Smith Mountain Boys hit the water for some combat fishing. Me (Sneak), my Dad (Pops), and my brother (Fats). We all live in different states now, but never too far to keep us from going fishing. The first year we did this we went to Smith Mountain Lake in Virginia, which spawned the name.

This year for SMBXI, Pops and Fats came here to Key West since I was unable to leave the area, and we went out two days with Dream Catcher Charters in search of fish.

Two of the more memorable fish hooked on the first day were a large tarpon that Pops had on the line before it broke off (just seconds before it probably would have broken him), and a giant snook (38+") that Fats caught, biting in the middle of a group of tarpon we had targeted. It also escaped being landed, using it's razor sharp gillplate to saw its way to freedom.

The best fish of this trip was caught late on the second day. It was our last spot, we'd all seen what time it was and knew our charter was ending in minutes. While Pops and Fats reeled in fish after fish using small 1/4 oz bucktails, the Captain rigged up a 2 oz bucktail tipped with a small pinfish for me to throw, hoping we'd find something big. Nope, nothing hit it. Meanwhile Fats felt sorry for me (or grew tired from reeling in so many jacks), and we traded rigs.

As I finally got in on the action and started reeling in my share of fish, the Capt made an adjustment to the big rig Fats was now throwing, replacing the pinfish with a shrimp. That did it. The very next cast, something hit it. Fats set the hook. First it swam toward us, so it's true size was disguised. Then just as it got close to the boat, it ran. Hard. 200 yards away, I saw a big fish leaping and spinning in midair. Hey look at THAT!

The fight was on. He'd hooked into a Spinner Shark, and it wasted no time showing us where it's name came from. For the next 15 minutes it went wild, leaping over and over and spinning several revolutions each time it jumped.

Once the shark figured out that somehow he was still hooked, he went to plan B: dive and hold tight. It started to look like he was getting the better of Fats, who was really looking tired. Then the reel broke out of it's seating in the rod. Instinctively, instead of rallying to his aid I busted out with a big belly laugh. I mean we're guys, any chance to make fun of each other always rises to the top of the agenda. Finally I helped him get it reset, and the fight was resumed.

After about 30 minutes of fighting, Fats finally reeled him in to within view, only about 5 feet from the boat. Then, with one last surge, the shark managed to break the line. He was gone.

So we had another successful and eventful SMB...and I learned a few new curse words.

Keys Disease

2007-12-06T18:22:00.001-05:00

The inspiration for the title of this blog, this man lives among the same mangroves that I paddle through. As I launched my canoe at 8 AM he asked if he could go fishing with me. When I said OK, he hustled across the street to grab a 6 pack first.

He barely weighed more than the bucket of water he replaced. He faced the wrong way. He didn't fish, he just watched. And drank his beer. And talked. Keys Disease. I fished, and listened.

All in all I think he had a great morning.

Jamaican Breeze

2007-12-04T20:53:00.000-05:00

This year for Thanksgiving I went to Jamaica for 10 days - you know, the weather in the Keys can get very unbearable in the fall and I really needed a tropical break. I managed to score a great deal on skyauction and stayed at Breezes Runaway Bay, an all-inclusive resort on the north coast just a
few miles west of Ocho Rios. Great beach, good food and drinks, friendly people, great vacation.

My favorite day on the island was when I took a tour high up into the Blue Mountains. The drive took nearly 3 hours, winding through several towns before climbing thousands of feet into the foggy mountains. Once there, we were treated to some of the best views Jamaica has to offer, and given our mountain bikes for the trip back down. We did experience some rain while zig-zagging our way down, but that comes with the territory (rain forest/jungle) and the tour company was ready with ponchos. All told it was a day well spent, and a full day it was - we left the resort at 7:15 AM and got back at 7:30 PM.

My only complaint was that I would have loved to have been able to take the challenge at my own speed instead of being confined to the slower pace of the entire group. It reminded me of how much I love skiing down the slope at breakneck speed, trying to dodge slower skiers while narrowly avoiding a violent death. Man I miss skiing. Anyway, speed and danger would have helped but it was still a great day on the mountain.

Movie: The Mist

2007-12-03T21:19:00.001-05:00

I just saw the movie The Mist, and you can count me among those who love it. Based on a (long) short story by Stephen King, it is a tense story of what happens to us when fear and self destruction collide; when we become afraid of fear. The power comes from the constant intense fear that is felt by everyone in the film, as well as in the theater. As the story unfolds you can't help but get drawn in and start guessing as to what is happening, and what will happen. You'll probably be wrong.

The original story was left unresolved, as a lot of King's short stories are. Many of them are just ideas that pop into his head which he then throws at the wall, and sometimes they only stick for a few minutes - not long enough to warrant its own book, but intriguing enough to put onto paper. This is one of those stories. So if it was to be made into a movie, it was going to need an ending.

Despite having countless bestsellers to his credit, relatively few of King's stories or books come close to matching that success when made into movies. The person who developed this screenplay basically took the original story and gave it a twist from his own dark mind, and the result impressed even King. In the end it reminds of the Twilight Zone episode where the residents of a small town neighborhood experience a power outage, and they resort to panic and finger-pointing when faced with the unknown. Add a major religious edge, and you've got the makings of a tense but still believable (or at least imaginable) path towards a complete breakdown.

Many times after seeing a movie, you get in the car and start talking about what's for dinner, where you're going next, work tomorrow, etc etc. After seeing The Mist, when you get in the car you'll be talking about The Mist.

See this movie.

FantasyFest Homemade Bikini Contest

2007-10-27T11:34:00.000-04:00

Every year at this time Key West holds its annual celebration of decadence known as FantasyFest. One of the highlights is the Homemade Bikini Contest at the Hog's Breath Saloon, where contestants compete wearing bikinis they create themselves. Frontal nudity is grounds for disqualification, but as you can see there is much leeway given.

Through a radio contest, I managed to win a seat at the judges table. The pass I won included free drinks all night as well as entry into the pre- and post-contest parties in the upstairs VIP lounge.

Apologies for the blurriness of some of these, I was busy trying to keep score as I was taking the pics. Unfortunately my camera's battery died before the contest was over. Lesson learned.

In case it matters, the winner was the girl wearing the white teacup bikini.

Key Deer

2007-09-22T18:49:00.000-04:00

Here in the Florida Keys there is a species of deer unique to the area called Key Deer. They are basically a sub-species of the white-tailed deer I've seen millions of back in the mountains of VA, only smaller. Their growth was stunted, I assume because of a lack of food and habitat, and they have been endangered for some time now. Most of them are on Big Pine Key and No Name Key, and some have also been relocated to Sugarloaf Key and Cudjoe Key in an effort to preserve the species. Many are killed each year on the roads of the Keys, resulting in lower speed limits and many warning signs on Big Pine.

I was planning to write about the fight to protect them, likening the effort to what you see in SW Florida with the manatees. Driving through Big Pine can take what seems like hours, with the lowered speed limit and resulting congestion. I've spent some time in Marco Island and the Everglades City area, and heard many fishermen and boaters complain loudly about the many restrictions and difficulties they face due to the manatee's endangered status. Like those fishermen, I was probably more annoyed by the presence/consequences of the deer than I was motivated to protect them. Today I rode my bike all around Big Pine and No Name, and have changed my tune.

Riding from US1 through Big Pine and across the bridge onto No Name, I encountered at least a dozen Key Deer - and this was during the afternoon, I'm sure I would have seen several more had it been earlier or later in the day. All were on or near the road, and were only moderately spooked by my presence. Staring into the eyes of the deer, you can't help but appreciate them. So, feeling better about the efforts to protect them and by extension better about myself, I headed back toward home. Then I saw what fully completed my evolution of understanding the Key Deer's fight for life.

Two deer crept out from the thick brush. As I stopped, the first one crossed the road in front of me. The second stood still, seemingly a little bit more spooked by a guy on a bike. When it tried to cross, it fell. It stood back up, took a step or two, then fell again. No it wasn't a baby, struggling to find its legs and take its first steps - it had been hit by a car, and its leg was badly injured.

Watching it struggle across the street was the hardest thing I've had to do since I moved to the Keys. You won't hear me complain about the Key Deer anymore.

Now - about those manatees...

9-11-01 Remembered

2007-09-10T17:37:00.000-04:00

Here comes that date again.

September 11th, 2001. A date that instantly became an 'I remember where I was when...' day.

I remember where I was when the events of 9/11 began. I was at work, like many other Americans on the east coast. My company was located within 1 mile of a major international airport (Washington/Dulles) for the Washington DC metro area, and we got used to seeing and hearing planes taking off and landing seemingly every minute. As the events unfolded, once we all realized what was happening, many of us left work to go home and be with our loved ones. I was single at the time, with no family in the area. I went home to be with me.

Driving home, listening on the radio, one eye on the road and one on the sky (try that!), I tried to gain perspective on what was happening. Suddenly the skies were empty and quiet, except for the occassional military fighter plane. Before going home I (and many others) stopped at the store and bought a bunch of water, ice, batteries - not really sure why, but who knew what was happening and/or about to happen? I got home and turned on the TV and watched.

And watched. And watched.

Later that afternoon I started to sort of freak out from horror overload. I called my friend Ted and asked him to go fishing with me. I had to get my eyes off of the TV, I had to get my mind to stop being so hyperfocused, I had to try and get some of those images out of my head. Also single and w/o family in the area, Ted was happy to go with me to our favorite fishing hole. The lasting memory of that evening was not the conversation, or the fish we caught; both of us were struck by the eerie silence, the empty skies overhead. Instead of a plane every minute, the sky was still and quiet. In the woods, miles from the city and the TV - and reality - we still could not escape the damage done.

And then a plane flew over. The silence being broken was the loudest plane I'd ever heard, the sound of freedom. The nation's airports had resumed flying, the country must be back to normal! Obviously it took longer than that - in fact we still aren't 'back to normal', nor will we ever be. That America, the country that existed before 9/11, is just a memory now.

In the days immediately following 9/11 the world felt our pain, holding candlelight vigils, tearfully saying 'Today We Are All Americans' - even in France! Here in America, we were united with a bipartisan resolve that none of us had ever experienced. We would rebuild, and we would do it together. Just a few months later, I fell in love and eventually got married.

That sure seems like a loooooong time ago.

Today, 6 years later, 9/11 is here again. I got divorced, once again I'm single. The world hates America more than ever. Republicans and Democrats hate each other again. Everyone hates the President. Wait a minute - we're back to normal! Except we can't bring a bottle of water through security...

Did it all really happen? No, I'm not a conspiracy theorist - I don't think the gov't brought down the towers with explosives, and I don't think the Pentagon was hit by a missile. Yes it happened.

I just wonder what we've done with all the resolve, the unity.

I'll watch the tape tonight, and remember how it felt. How I felt.

Looe Key Reef - Part 2

2007-09-05T08:44:00.000-04:00

Just a couple of miles off of Ramrod Key is Looe Key Reef, a protected area loaded with healthy coral and tons of marine life.

Other than the lobster, I have no idea what you're looking at so I won't bother trying to pretend to identify them. Sure was fun swimming with them though! Click on the pics for larger versions.

Looe Key Reef - Part 1

2007-09-05T08:05:00.000-04:00

Just a couple of miles off of Ramrod Key is Looe Key Reef, a protected area loaded with healthy coral and tons of marine life.

This shark was at least 8 feet long, and was less than 12 feet away from me when I first saw it. After recovering, I swam behind him for a while to get these pics. The water was only about 6 feet deep here, making it seem even bigger...

When the water got a little deeper, it started to get scarier to continue to follow the shark - it felt like he was luring me deeper into his world. I finally decided to let him swim away.

Big barracuda with a school of yellowtail following him. I'm more intimidated by cudas than sharks, probably because I catch so many when I fish the flats - I figure one day they'll seek their revenge on me.

Big jellyfish posing for the camera. I almost swam head first right into him, as I was looking down for fish instead of right in front of me.

Swimming with the cudas

2007-08-23T22:45:00.000-04:00

Years ago, on my first fishing trip to the keys, it came to my attention that barracudas are cannibalistic opportunists. I found out the fun way, I had one on the line and a bigger one attacked it, sawing it right in half. It was a moment I never forgot.

Now that I live here, I still enjoy targeting cudas because of their aggressive style of attacking and fighting. Today was no exception - but it was exceptional.

Using a topwater plug I caught (and released) a couple of fairly large fish. When a smaller cuda took the bait, he quickly went from hunter to victim. As I reeled him in, a larger one attacked and by the time I could reel it in all that was left on my hook was his head, with the lure still in his

mouth. So I tossed the whole rig back out, and waited for nature to take its course. It didn't take long...

About 5 minutes later, my line started flying out. I waited a few seconds, then set the hook. A monster cuda about 4' long had taken the head, and I had him hooked. Since I was using only 10 pound test and light tackle, the big cuda had the advantage. No matter, he was mine. A few minutes and several powerful runs and jumps later, I pulled him ashore.

Inside his mouth you can see the head of the smaller cuda, along with the well-traveled spook.

I love fishing.

Keys Scenes

2007-08-22T19:34:00.000-04:00

Waterspout just off Key West. I watched it slowly navigate its way through the boats. Amazing.

Taken from my back porch, one of several bolts that night that struck a little closer than I'd prefer.

Mangrove flats at low tide. Once the tide comes back in these roots will be home to several species of fish.

The sun sets on another Coast Guard day.