The doctor is in...between 4 and 7

OK so I decided that I needed to set up a primary care physician, I mean I figure that's how healthcare works these days - you go see your PCP, and he either treats you or directs you to a specialist as needed. I hadn't been to a doc since moving here and I'm due to get a general physical exam anyway, so step one is finding a doc.

I log onto the website of my health plan, and did a search for a doc 'in network' (plan pays 90% vs much less for 'out of network'). Result is ONE doctor, in Key West. I call to set up an appt, and get voicemail. Left message. No return call for 2 days so I call again, leave vm again. This is a doctor's office?

Three days after the original call, I get a call from the secretary asking the nature of my call. I explain (PCP, physical, etc), and she says that the doc is in KW on Tues and Thurs between 4 and 7, would I like to come in? Yes of course, so she says come this Tues after 4 and bring a book since there are no set appt times. Huh?? OK, whatever, I guess this is KW and we're not supposed to be in a hurry. So I go on the next Tuesday, book in hand.

3:45, I walk into an empty office. Around the corner I find a 'secretary' reading IN TOUCH magazine (something about Britney no doubt) and ask if I'm in the right place. Yes she says, um sign in here (she turns over a photocopied something-or-other to the blank side and I simply write my name) and then she hands me a 'form' to fill out. We've all been to doctor's offices, and especially on a first visit can expect lots of paperwork to fill out (that's why I came early). But this is a VERY blurry/cropped photocopy of some standard form and I finished in like 2 minutes. Name, address, birthday, insurance info. I expected a lot more questions (family history, previous illness, operations, etc) but whatever...

4:00, the parade begins. Who even knew that these people all existed down here? By 4:30, the waiting room is full of every walk of life - male female all races wheelchairs mentally challenged on crutches several languages bleeding homeless talking loudly on cellphones etc etc ETC. Thank goodness I got there early and was at the top of the 'list'!

5:15, the doctor calls me in. Takes my blood pressure, asks why I'm here (PCP, physical, etc) and starts writing down some notes. After a few simple questions (any allergies, how much do I exercise, my job, why I moved to KW) he tells me to take this form and remember not to eat after 9 PM the night before - he tears off a page from his little memo pad and hands it to me. 5 minutes and I'm done, I've got a 4x6 inch note to prove it.

I hand the note to the secretary, who asks when I'm supposed to be coming back. I have no idea, I just know I'm not supposed to eat the night before. So she makes an appt for me, and tells me to take that 4x6 note with me when I go to get the bloodwork done - no mention of where, or when. So I ask. The hospital, whenever you want to. She says there's no appointment, I guess you just go between their regular hours of 8-5. OK I say, so I just walk in the door of the hospital at 9 AM and now where do I go? She says someone there will probably be able to tell me. Oh good.

She gives me a business card with my follow-up appt written on it (date only of course, no time), and asks for my $20 copay fee. I pay in cash, and when I ask for a receipt she takes the business card back and writes '$20 pd' on it and initials it. Mmm, modern.

So I have a follow up appt (bring a book) in 2 weeks, sometime between now and then I guess I'm supposed to go to the hospital with my little note and start asking people where I should go. Ah, life in Key West.

Glad I'm healthy - at least I think I am, I guess I'll find out. Maybe...

That's why they play the games

Today in the Dean Dome, undefeated and #1 ranked North Carolina lost to the Maryland Terrapins. The Terps are notorious giant killers, in fact this is the 7th time that the team coached by Gary Williams has beaten the #1 ranked team in the country. For this game the Terps were a 20+ point underdog. No matter. Everyone needs a nemesis:

Love the Terps.
Hate the Tarheels. And Duke.

Love the Red Sox.
Hate the Yankees. And Mets.

Love the Redskins.
Hate the Cowboys. And Eagles. And Giants.

Yes, UNC will probably be playing in the Final Four long after the Terps are eliminated from the NIT. As well they should be. But today, Maryland did to UNC what the Ravens failed to do to the Patriots a few weeks ago: beat a superior team that will eventually win it all.

Tomorrow the Chargers get their chance...

The Birds

This flock of birds kept diving to the water and coming back up with a meal. Then they'd fly around a bit while they ate before pooing their meal onto my Jeep, conveniently (for them) parked next to their buffet/water. I finally got tired of chasing them away and took a few pics instead. Somehow that did the trick - they left. It was as though they didn't want to be photographed at the scene of the crime.

I need to wash my car.

Party with the pig

Every Friday afternoon at 3:00, a lucky employee of Boondocks Grille and Drafthouse dons the pink pig costume and walks proudly to the shoulder of US 1 to attract customers, especially tourists rushing through on their way to Key West. Thus begins the Party On The Patio, a weekly 3 hour celebration marking the end of another strenuous work week here in paradise.

For $10, you get a huge plate of fresh pulled pork (sometimes also pork tenderloin skewers and red snapper filets), baked beans, potato salad and cole slaw, and all the beer you can drink. Despite the all-you-can-drink label, it doesn't degenerate into a frat party, instead it's just a fun place to gather and start the weekend off right.






Great service, great food, and walking distance to my house.

I haven't missed one yet.

New Year's Eve 2008

Just as with FantasyFest in October, there seems to be steps that locals go through regarding celebrating New Year's eve in Key West:

1: Your first year you go all out (and then suffer the consequences);

2: Your second year you've learned, and do it in moderation;

3: Your third year you leave it for the tourists and hardcore locals.

This was my first, so I knew it was probably gonna be a wild one. It was.



In Key West there are several different areas where people are celebrating. In the 'not that there's anything wrong with that' district there is a large red shoe that drops at midnite, carrying a transvestite. At the historic seaport area, there is a wench that drops down the mast of an old schooner. At Duval and Greene Streets there is a conch shell that drops onto the roof above Sloppy Joe's, along with thousands and thousands of revelers in the street. We chose Sloppy Joe's.






My friend Tony was in town visiting. We waited until about 10:30 before making our way to Duval Street - we knew it was going to be a long night, no need to start too early. Little did we know just how long the night would be.

Across Duval from Sloppy Joe's is Capt Tony's Saloon, which was easier to get in/out of than SJ's, so first we went there and got a couple of drinks. I was standing just outside the bathroom door taking a picture of the band when someone bolted out in a hurry, slamming the door into my head HARD. I shook it off as no big deal, but the next morning I had a souvenir bump to remind me of Capt Tony's. It took a few hours to remember where it came from, but really that was par for the Jan 1 course.



We celebrated in the streets with the mob until about 12:30 or 1, watching all the fireworks and bubbles and confetti, then went inside SJ's to join their party. We proceeded to close them down, finally leaving sometime after 4 AM. During those 3 hours I'm told a lot of stuff happened, some of which I remember and some of which I'll just have to assume is true. Keys Disease.








Walking back to where we were staying should have taken all of about 15 minutes (5 or 6 blocks). After about 45 minutes it became clear I wasn't the guide I thought I was. Tony finally got frustrated and struck out on his own, and despite being from out of town he found it before I did. 30 minutes later I (accidentally) found my way there. So, finally, at 5:30 we put the night to sleep just as the sun was starting to wake itself up.



I think next year I'll go right to step 3 and watch it on TV. Keys Disease indeed.

Happy New Year!

BRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

OK so I understand that I live in the warmest place in the country right now, but that hasn't stopped the cold from reaching down here too. This morning it was 45 degrees, breaking the record for this day that had been set back in the 1890's, and coming within 4 degrees of the all-time low for Key West. Making matters worse, my house has no heat (why should it?) so it was 49 degrees INSIDE when I woke up this morning. BRRRRR!!!

For reference, the average monthly temps for Key West in January are 75/65, the coldest averages for any month. It was 85 three days ago.

Watching the weather last night, 50% of the US has snow on the ground right now so I guess I shouldn't complain. But I will shiver. These flip flops do nothing to keep my feet warm, so I guess it's partially my own fault. It'll be back near 80 by the weekend, which will probably feel like 120. Let's go fishing!

Living the Dream - again

Last weekend my Father and his wife Christine came down to the Keys for the long Christmas holiday weekend, and on one of the days we went fishing again with Dream Catcher Charters out of Key West.

Once again they were able to put us on plenty of fish, not to mention secure a perfect day of weather for us. I caught my first grouper and my first (of many) porgy, as well as plenty of snappers - but this trip was about Christine, and the nice lemon shark she pulled in.


Capt. Dave took care of everything. In fact he caught the blue runner for bait, and knew that it would catch us a shark. He was right, and it didn't take long before the rod was bent.

Once she had the shark hooked, she spent the next 15 minutes walking around the boat following and fighting it with all she had. Finally it tired and she reeled it in - the first shark she ever caught.





Capt. Dave does a quick and safe release of the worn out Lemon shark.


Living the dream.

Fantasy Football

I have to admit it - I'm hooked. Bad.

Until last year, I always shook my head when I heard people talking about their fantasy football teams. I mean why should I care about how many yards were gained by some obscure running back on a team I didn't like? Do I really need to know who Selvin Young is? Patrick Crayton? Rob Bironas?

The answer is a big YES.

It doesn't help matters that I lean ever so slightly toward being obsessive-compulsive. Although I wouldn't call the condition a disorder, I will admit that it's a beast to deal with sometimes - it gets very hungry and requires regular feeding. Enter fantasy football. I found something I could do where my OC would be an asset.

Last year I joined a league along with several of my coworkers, and learned what it's all about. Most of the other 'owners' drafted their teams and started the same lineup every week, with a few minor exceptions due to bye-weeks or injuries. Due to my lack of experience, I had drafted what I felt was a weak team. Because of this, I would scan the stats of player after player day after day, looking for matchups that would be favorable for the next game. I'd pick them up, use them that week, then throw them away and do it all over again the next week with a different set of players.

Somehow my team (the Dreadsox) managed to get to the Super Bowl, but was up against a team with all-stars at every position. I won, despite fielding a team headed by backups like Jeff Garcia and Ladell Betts. Who, you ask? Exactly. Matchups - they were in the right place at the right time. My obsessive scrambling and tinkering had paid off, and I got paid.

This year, despite taking a new job and moving 1500 miles away, I was still able to play in the same league with the same friends thanks to the internet. After a very slow start, I put together a strong team but fell just short of making the playoffs. The same team I played against in the Super Bowl last year was there again this year, with an even stronger team. He won, and it's a good thing he did - I think he may have gone postal if he hadn't. Seriously. And I wouldn't have blamed him.

Such is the maddening state of fantasy football. It has completely changed the way I watch a game, and the way I follow the NFL season. I don't really have a favorite team anymore - I have MY team. Who cares if the Patriots keep winning - the season is over for the Dreadsox.

I can't wait for next year.

Smith Mountain Boys

Every fall, the Smith Mountain Boys hit the water for some combat fishing. Me (Sneak), my Dad (Pops), and my brother (Fats). We all live in different states now, but never too far to keep us from going fishing. The first year we did this we went to Smith Mountain Lake in Virginia, which spawned the name.

This year for SMBXI, Pops and Fats came here to Key West since I was unable to leave the area, and we went out two days with Dream Catcher Charters in search of fish.

Two of the more memorable fish hooked on the first day were a large tarpon that Pops had on the line before it broke off (just seconds before it probably would have broken him), and a giant snook (38+") that Fats caught, biting in the middle of a group of tarpon we had targeted. It also escaped being landed, using it's razor sharp gillplate to saw its way to freedom.




The best fish of this trip was caught late on the second day. It was our last spot, we'd all seen what time it was and knew our charter was ending in minutes. While Pops and Fats reeled in fish after fish using small 1/4 oz bucktails, the Captain rigged up a 2 oz bucktail tipped with a small pinfish for me to throw, hoping we'd find something big. Nope, nothing hit it. Meanwhile Fats felt sorry for me (or grew tired from reeling in so many jacks), and we traded rigs.



As I finally got in on the action and started reeling in my share of fish, the Capt made an adjustment to the big rig Fats was now throwing, replacing the pinfish with a shrimp. That did it. The very next cast, something hit it. Fats set the hook. First it swam toward us, so it's true size was disguised. Then just as it got close to the boat, it ran. Hard. 200 yards away, I saw a big fish leaping and spinning in midair. Hey look at THAT!


The fight was on. He'd hooked into a Spinner Shark, and it wasted no time showing us where it's name came from. For the next 15 minutes it went wild, leaping over and over and spinning several revolutions each time it jumped.

Once the shark figured out that somehow he was still hooked, he went to plan B: dive and hold tight. It started to look like he was getting the better of Fats, who was really looking tired. Then the reel broke out of it's seating in the rod. Instinctively, instead of rallying to his aid I busted out with a big belly laugh. I mean we're guys, any chance to make fun of each other always rises to the top of the agenda. Finally I helped him get it reset, and the fight was resumed.

After about 30 minutes of fighting, Fats finally reeled him in to within view, only about 5 feet from the boat. Then, with one last surge, the shark managed to break the line. He was gone.

So we had another successful and eventful SMB...and I learned a few new curse words.

Keys Disease

The inspiration for the title of this blog, this man lives among the same mangroves that I paddle through. As I launched my canoe at 8 AM he asked if he could go fishing with me. When I said OK, he hustled across the street to grab a 6 pack first.

He barely weighed more than the bucket of water he replaced. He faced the wrong way. He didn't fish, he just watched. And drank his beer. And talked. Keys Disease. I fished, and listened.

All in all I think he had a great morning.

Jamaican Breeze

This year for Thanksgiving I went to Jamaica for 10 days - you know, the weather in the Keys can get very unbearable in the fall and I really needed a tropical break. I managed to score a great deal on skyauction and stayed at Breezes Runaway Bay, an all-inclusive resort on the north coast just a
few miles west of Ocho Rios. Great beach, good food and drinks, friendly people, great vacation.

My favorite day on the island was when I took a tour high up into the Blue Mountains. The drive took nearly 3 hours, winding through several towns before climbing thousands of feet into the foggy mountains. Once there, we were treated to some of the best views Jamaica has to offer, and given our mountain bikes for the trip back down. We did experience some rain while zig-zagging our way down, but that comes with the territory (rain forest/jungle) and the tour company was ready with ponchos. All told it was a day well spent, and a full day it was - we left the resort at 7:15 AM and got back at 7:30 PM.


My only complaint was that I would have loved to have been able to take the challenge at my own speed instead of being confined to the slower pace of the entire group. It reminded me of how much I love skiing down the slope at breakneck speed, trying to dodge slower skiers while narrowly avoiding a violent death. Man I miss skiing. Anyway, speed and danger would have helped but it was still a great day on the mountain.

Movie: The Mist

I just saw the movie The Mist, and you can count me among those who love it. Based on a (long) short story by Stephen King, it is a tense story of what happens to us when fear and self destruction collide; when we become afraid of fear. The power comes from the constant intense fear that is felt by everyone in the film, as well as in the theater. As the story unfolds you can't help but get drawn in and start guessing as to what is happening, and what will happen. You'll probably be wrong.

The original story was left unresolved, as a lot of King's short stories are. Many of them are just ideas that pop into his head which he then throws at the wall, and sometimes they only stick for a few minutes - not long enough to warrant its own book, but intriguing enough to put onto paper. This is one of those stories. So if it was to be made into a movie, it was going to need an ending.

Despite having countless bestsellers to his credit, relatively few of King's stories or books come close to matching that success when made into movies. The person who developed this screenplay basically took the original story and gave it a twist from his own dark mind, and the result impressed even King. In the end it reminds of the Twilight Zone episode where the residents of a small town neighborhood experience a power outage, and they resort to panic and finger-pointing when faced with the unknown. Add a major religious edge, and you've got the makings of a tense but still believable (or at least imaginable) path towards a complete breakdown.

Many times after seeing a movie, you get in the car and start talking about what's for dinner, where you're going next, work tomorrow, etc etc. After seeing The Mist, when you get in the car you'll be talking about The Mist.

See this movie.

FantasyFest Homemade Bikini Contest

Every year at this time Key West holds its annual celebration of decadence known as FantasyFest. One of the highlights is the Homemade Bikini Contest at the Hog's Breath Saloon, where contestants compete wearing bikinis they create themselves. Frontal nudity is grounds for disqualification, but as you can see there is much leeway given.

Through a radio contest, I managed to win a seat at the judges table. The pass I won included free drinks all night as well as entry into the pre- and post-contest parties in the upstairs VIP lounge.

Apologies for the blurriness of some of these, I was busy trying to keep score as I was taking the pics. Unfortunately my camera's battery died before the contest was over. Lesson learned.

In case it matters, the winner was the girl wearing the white teacup bikini.