Monday, January 25, 2010

More fun with words

Style Invitational Week 833: We asked you to take a real word, name or multi-word term -- this time beginning with M, N, O or P -- and add or subtract one letter, substitute one letter or transpose two adjacent letters, and describe the result:

1. Mulatte: Rejected name for Starbucks' new half-coffee/half-milk drink. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
2. Sparadigm: A model panhandler. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
3. Cold Faithful: Spouse who won't sleep with you anymore, but at least isn't sleeping with anyone else, either. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)
4. Parismonious: Describing the portions of food served at a French restaurant. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
5. Pathletic: Hopelessly uncoordinated. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
6. Bordures : A store that specializes in bathroom reading material. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
7. Nowscaster: A Twitterer. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
8. Morning gory: The half-chewed mouse the cat thoughtfully leaves on your side of the bed. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)
9. Phonym: e.g., "Tom" from the Bangalore help desk. (Kevin Dopart)
10. Pollbearer: The guy who carries the Cook County cemetery ballots. (Peter Metrinko, Gainesville)
11. Methuselay: Romance at the old folks' home. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
12. Pal de mer: A barf bag. (Les Greenblatt, Ann Arbor, Mich.)
13. Adagascar: New name for the Hummer. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)
14. Oediplus: Theban king who inadvertently slept with his mother and his sister. (Brendan Beary, Great Miills)
15. Costentatious: "Forgetting" to remove the price tag from an expensive objet d'art. (Anne Paris, Arlington)
16. Moonucleosis: The butt-kissing disease. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
17. Pilatitude: Annoying encouragement from the fitness instructor: "Feel the power!" "You know you can do it!" (Pam Sweeney)
18. Public hair: The result of a Speedo malfunction. (Dean Evangelista, Rockville)
19. Masochistick: A golf club. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)
20. Mobius Strep: A virus that keeps going around. (Elise Jacobs, Silver Spring)
21. Postnaval drip: A retired admiral who bores you with war stories. (Chris Doyle)
22. Porximity: The personal space of the fat guy in the adjacent seat. (Craig Dykstra)
23. Liver Twist: What they call rotgut in London. You probably won't ask for more. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
24. Zornography: Game film of the Redskins getting it every which way. (Scott Campisi, Wake Village, Tex.)
25. Okrap: What most people say when first biting into okra. (Tom Witte)
26. Mistoke: Lighting up a fat one at a stoplight next to an unmarked police car. (Kat Nove, Kerrville, Tex.)
27. Pimplex: A high school campus. (Kevin Dopart)
28. NIMBY-pamby: Not In My Back Yard (if that's okay with you). (Lawrence McGuire)
29. Peripathetic: Going nowhere. (Tom Witte)
30. X-menarche: The initial blossoming of a superhero's powers. (Judy Blanchard)
31. Muscle cart: A six-horsepower Amish dragster. (Chris Doyle)
32. Purgeatory: The bathroom at the modeling agency. (Peter Metrinko)
33. Pillowcasas: The houses you used to make from the sofa cushions. (Craig Dykstra)
34. Magnum pus: A big zit. (Les Greenblatt)
35. Trize: The "participant" trophy given to Little League bench-sitters. (Brian Corts, Hockessin, Del.)
36. Nincompop: The father of any teen. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
37. Majoritsy: A 51 percent "mandate." (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
38. Midlift crisis: The sudden realization during your cosmetic surgery that even with all this, you'll never look 25 again. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
39. Oopspore: The egg that was fertilized when the condom broke. (Brendan Beary)
40. Unclear fusion: The Democratic Party. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
41. Octopush: To labor under a mass conception. (Beverley Sharp)
42. Smoron: A graham cracker cooked between two marshmallows. (Kevin Dopart)
43. Momniscience: The ability to know just who broke that vase. (Kallen Dun, Hockessin, Del.)

Friday, January 22, 2010

Fun with words

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for 20 common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's stupid AND an as*hole