Thursday, May 5, 2011

Men who stare at goats (with their pants down)

A slow day at the capitol...

Floridians are gonna have to start pulling up their pants and stop having sex with animals soon. It's up to Governor Rick Scott to sign off on two bills passed in the Florida Senate and House Wednesday which target droopy drawers and bestiality.

The bestiality bill (SB 344) bans sexual activity between humans and animals and has been championed for years by Sen. Nan Rich, from Sunrise.

Rich took up the anti-bestiality fight after a number of cases involving sexual activity with animals in recent years, including a Panhandle man who was suspected of accidentally asphyxiating a family goat during a sex act and the abuse of a horse in the Keys.

The bill would make such acts a first-degree misdemeanor.

Also passed by the House and Senate Wednesday is the so-called "droopy drawers bill" (SB 228), will will force kids to hike up their pants while at school.

Students caught showing their underwear or butt crack could face suspensions and other punishments.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Ah yes, now we can see the science of how to write a song

Flo-Ri-Da: Low

The Cure: Friday I'm in Love

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Reflections of a good day on the water

Just another fine day paddling the waters off Key West

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Food fighting in FL

Report from MSNBC:

Cops say Mom attacked her son with a hammer - over a sandwich

What is it about food that incites violence in South Florida?

A day after a woman over on the Sunshine State's west coast attacked her roommate over a box of Girl Scout cookies, a woman down in the Keys was arrested for attacking her son during an argument over a sandwich.

The Monroe County Sheriff's Office says 60-year-old Urania Lot was arrested in Stock Island Monday morning after she punched, bit and hammered her 18-year-old son for eating his sandwich in the living room.

Lot and her granddaughter both told police that the man was rude and belligerent and refused to eat his snack in the dining room, despite Lot's plea.

Police said Lot threatened to break his television and kick him out of the house, then hit him with the hammer on his arm, bit him on the wrist then started punching him in the head.

Lot was arrested for aggravated battery.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Digital enhancement

Girl has 12 fingers...and 14 toes. Really.

Mom says "she doesn't drop things much". Imagine that??

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Up Geiger creek with a paddle

For a brief video from a recent Saturday paddling Geiger Creek, go here. Warning: I'm no pro videographer plus it's hard to paddle while holding a small camera, so you might get seasick...or jealous...or bored...

Dogs are (funny) people too

For more fun with dogs, go here

Monday, February 14, 2011

Timing is everything

Ah the joys of taking a picture at the perfect moment

Click here and here for many more

Saturday, August 7, 2010

history in pix

San Fran after the 1906 earthquake. For more great historical pix like this one go here and enjoy

the view from space

Amazing view of the Bahamas from space, revealing the water clarity and dramatic depth contrasts. For many more great pix like this one go here and enjoy the view!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Northern FL paddling

The Silver River, near Ocala:

The Sante Fe River, near High Springs:

The Withlacoochee River, near Dunnellon:

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Disney World

A short drive away (OK a 7 hour trudge up the turnpike) is a quaint little empire known as Disney World. I went there a few years ago with my ex, but since we didn't have kids we spent our time at Pleasure Island. This past weekend I went back, to experience the mayhem through the eyes of my nephews.

When I met my bro and his family at their hotel that first evening, I received my first lesson in Disneyomics. They were staying at a VERY nice resort, in a huge (twice the size of my house) 2 bedroom suite with a full kitchen and 2 full bathrooms and laundry etc etc. Just a few miles away, inside the perimeter of the Disney compound, this suite would have cost over $500 a nite. Here, among the vast expanse of resort/timeshare/condo campuses, the cost of the suite was barely 20% of that. This told me more about Disney than it did about the resort. This is business.

As soon as I walk in I'm attacked (literally) by my nephews. Besides pummeling me (what is it about being an uncle?), they enthusiastically showed me the Disney souvenirs they'd accumulated already: Pins, t-shirts, hats, and yes Mickey ears. I heard all about the fun they'd had, and about the fun we were going to have tomorrow. I started feeling like a kid myself. This is gonna be fun!

Morning came, and with it the realization that I was headed to kid mecca. I could see the excitement in the boys' eyes, and I started to feel the rush too. Let's go! We piled into two cars and made the 10 minute drive. After entering the gate we drove another 10 minutes as we wandered through the maze of parking until finally we were directed to our parking spot. Despite the chilly temps, the boys exploded out of the car.

I really wish I had more time to spend there than I did (my 7 hour return trip was looming), but we definitely made the best of my half-day in the park. I may have only gone on a few of the rides, but to be able to spend those hours as a 6 year old was all I had hoped it would be. They had 3 or 4 days to explore all that Disney had to offer, and despite their enthusiasm and efforts I sincerely doubt they saw/did it all. That place is H U G E.

My final take on Disney? It serves a purpose, and does it to perfection. It's that place that EVERY kid should be fortunate enough to visit at least once, and during the course of that visit his parents are gonna fly/drive/park/eat/ride/stay (i.e. $$$$). Fun fact: After every ride, the only exit route passes directly through a souvenir shop. Somebody thought this through...

I've been to football games and spent $100 on a ticket and $7 on a beer etc, and despite bitching about it I'll keep getting back in line. Disney is the same way - everyone goes there knowing they're gonna get gouged, but the park delivers the goods. In the end it's money well spent...said the guy that never touched his wallet.

Many thanks to my bro and sis-in-law for treating me like the kid I wanted to be, and to my nephews for showing me why it all works.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Costa Rica

OK it only took me 2 months but I'm finally posting some pix from my trip to Costa Rica. I stayed at a big resort on the west coast near Puntarenas, but next time I intend to stay up in the mountains at a smaller place. The highlight was the trip into the mountains for a zip line tour, and a trip into the Monteverde Cloud Forest Reserve.

Many more pix can be found on my pix page if interested.

Monday, January 25, 2010

More fun with words

Style Invitational Week 833: We asked you to take a real word, name or multi-word term -- this time beginning with M, N, O or P -- and add or subtract one letter, substitute one letter or transpose two adjacent letters, and describe the result:

1. Mulatte: Rejected name for Starbucks' new half-coffee/half-milk drink. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
2. Sparadigm: A model panhandler. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
3. Cold Faithful: Spouse who won't sleep with you anymore, but at least isn't sleeping with anyone else, either. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)
4. Parismonious: Describing the portions of food served at a French restaurant. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
5. Pathletic: Hopelessly uncoordinated. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
6. Bordures : A store that specializes in bathroom reading material. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
7. Nowscaster: A Twitterer. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
8. Morning gory: The half-chewed mouse the cat thoughtfully leaves on your side of the bed. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)
9. Phonym: e.g., "Tom" from the Bangalore help desk. (Kevin Dopart)
10. Pollbearer: The guy who carries the Cook County cemetery ballots. (Peter Metrinko, Gainesville)
11. Methuselay: Romance at the old folks' home. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
12. Pal de mer: A barf bag. (Les Greenblatt, Ann Arbor, Mich.)
13. Adagascar: New name for the Hummer. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)
14. Oediplus: Theban king who inadvertently slept with his mother and his sister. (Brendan Beary, Great Miills)
15. Costentatious: "Forgetting" to remove the price tag from an expensive objet d'art. (Anne Paris, Arlington)
16. Moonucleosis: The butt-kissing disease. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
17. Pilatitude: Annoying encouragement from the fitness instructor: "Feel the power!" "You know you can do it!" (Pam Sweeney)
18. Public hair: The result of a Speedo malfunction. (Dean Evangelista, Rockville)
19. Masochistick: A golf club. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)
20. Mobius Strep: A virus that keeps going around. (Elise Jacobs, Silver Spring)
21. Postnaval drip: A retired admiral who bores you with war stories. (Chris Doyle)
22. Porximity: The personal space of the fat guy in the adjacent seat. (Craig Dykstra)
23. Liver Twist: What they call rotgut in London. You probably won't ask for more. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
24. Zornography: Game film of the Redskins getting it every which way. (Scott Campisi, Wake Village, Tex.)
25. Okrap: What most people say when first biting into okra. (Tom Witte)
26. Mistoke: Lighting up a fat one at a stoplight next to an unmarked police car. (Kat Nove, Kerrville, Tex.)
27. Pimplex: A high school campus. (Kevin Dopart)
28. NIMBY-pamby: Not In My Back Yard (if that's okay with you). (Lawrence McGuire)
29. Peripathetic: Going nowhere. (Tom Witte)
30. X-menarche: The initial blossoming of a superhero's powers. (Judy Blanchard)
31. Muscle cart: A six-horsepower Amish dragster. (Chris Doyle)
32. Purgeatory: The bathroom at the modeling agency. (Peter Metrinko)
33. Pillowcasas: The houses you used to make from the sofa cushions. (Craig Dykstra)
34. Magnum pus: A big zit. (Les Greenblatt)
35. Trize: The "participant" trophy given to Little League bench-sitters. (Brian Corts, Hockessin, Del.)
36. Nincompop: The father of any teen. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
37. Majoritsy: A 51 percent "mandate." (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
38. Midlift crisis: The sudden realization during your cosmetic surgery that even with all this, you'll never look 25 again. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
39. Oopspore: The egg that was fertilized when the condom broke. (Brendan Beary)
40. Unclear fusion: The Democratic Party. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
41. Octopush: To labor under a mass conception. (Beverley Sharp)
42. Smoron: A graham cracker cooked between two marshmallows. (Kevin Dopart)
43. Momniscience: The ability to know just who broke that vase. (Kallen Dun, Hockessin, Del.)

Friday, January 22, 2010

Fun with words

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for 20 common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's stupid AND an as*hole

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Another side of Fantasy Fest

Just when you thought it was all fun and good times, someone had to go and spoil the fun.

The following report is from the Miami Herald, detailing an incident that occurred Friday nite during Fantasy Fest. I was out until 3 AM that nite and was in the area where this happened, but I saw nothing other than good times and friendly people (see the pix in the previous post). It just goes to show you that you never know - one minute it's all fun, but that can change in a hurry...

Man dies in street fight in Key West

A former Key West High School track and basketball star was stabbed to death during an early Saturday morning altercation in the heart of Key West's tourist section, according to the Key West Police Department.

Marques Butler, 23, was stabbed in the abdomen during an apparent fight between a group of locals from Key West and a group of men from out of town. Butler was taken to the Lower Keys Medical Center, where he underwent surgery and died soon after.

Key West detectives are investigation the case as a homicide. On Saturday, detectives questioned a 23-year-old man from Fort Lauderdale. As of Sunday morning, no arrests had been made in the case.

The altercation took place in the vicinity of Caroline and Duval streets during Fantasy Fest, Key West's annual 10-day debauchery that draws crowds of 50,000 or more annually. This was the first death to occur during the festival's 30-year history.